Some of my thoughts, each in 140 characters or less from this week. A summary.

Weekends are slow, what with all of you having such exciting things to do... so why not lazy out with a twitter summary?

• I .have. a. typewriter. in. my. possession. HAPPY DAY!
• So I burned an actual hole in the ceramic top of my stove. It doesn't mean I can't cook.
• Dear Cadbury Mini Eggs, Get in my belly.
• Saw 2 accidents, a woman laying in the middle of the street, gave away a typewriter and paid for a stranger's parking. Weird day.
• Why don't convenience stores deliver? Hm? Sounds like inconvenience stores to me.
• My son is pretending he's a big ball of armpit hair.
• I found a raspberry seed in my hair. This after a lice notice from the school. Nothing is scarier than the idea of having lice. *jeebity*
• I dreamed that I fell into the ocean and nearly drowned because I wouldn't let go of my iron & it pulled me down. IRON? Do I even own one?
• Also, I took a huge risk today and waxed my own eyebrows. Both remain intact! Success.
• I've rolled up 4 rims and not won a thing. WHY DO YOU MOCK ME, TIM HORTON'S????
• Whatsherface in the blue bikini looks like a 3 day old mozzarella cheese stick. #survivor
• Toddlers are not very good at taking care of laptops.
• Saw STOMP. Was pretty awesome. I want to break my garbage cans.
• Wait... I DID break my garbage cans already. With my car. Stomp never did THAT. I rule
• Apparently we're going to be watching, "Manswers."
• Why do I want to see hot tub time machine so badly?
• I'm pretty confident that Kevin James will be getting that Oscar for his inspiring portrayal of Paul Blart, Mall Cop..
• I don't understand what makes a grown person start a twitter account for their cat... and then pretend to BE the cat.. and they are serious.
• It enrages me. The End.
• If my cat ever starts a blog, it'll be about being a total whore.
• ZOIKS. See? Every time I rant about something, 22 people come out of the closet of their own weirdness.
• I would be getting a tattoo right now but the shop is closed???

**Also, Readers, Kirstie Alley talked to me because I told her that she was funny because nothing she says makes sense 96% of the time. Then she tried to explain something she had said. I dunno what she was getting at, but that makes me pretty much the best supporting actress in "Look Who's Talking". Not to mention that yesterday, we looked over into the car next to us in traffic and there was Don Cherry. For real. He was even wearing the cartoon tuxedo that he always wears to games. Now I can say that celebrities swarm me all the time. Back off, celebrities. I need my space. Concentrate on your jobs.

Some things.

1. If I do not see Zombieland straight away, I might lose the ability to breathe. Zombies AND rollercoasters??? *heave* My only issue is that they did not make it in 3D. This must be remedied, You hear me, Columbia Pictures??? Hop to it. I'll be waiting with my 3D glasses on.
2. I love froot loops so very much.
3. My ipod touch is taking way too long to update. Blast!! It is also not allowing me to use my itunes giftcard. I have $14.01 in riches to fritter away spend on important business application upgrades and such. *UPDATE* after reading the stupid fine print on the stupid giftcard, I've found out that I can't buy applications with it. I feel irrationally angry about this.
4. The Lovesong of J.Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot still makes me weep like a little pantywaist (which technically I am, seeing as I always wear them. Ladies do). It also makes me want to roll up my trousers (and start calling pants, 'trousers'... or start calling panties, 'trouserettes' because hey- awesome new word. That would make me a trouserettewaist, which sounds a little like tourette's. Tourette'swaist sounds edgier.. like don't mess with THAT chick. See what I'm talking about? No Self, don't delete that last bit. It was solid blogging gold!). It also makes me want to paint the cat yellow.

Today, I pet a pig.

I pet a pig like a pro. It was wiry and smelled. And it had too many boobs. So I left and washed my hands.

Also:

This duck has awesome hair.

Tomorrow morning: Bacon & Eggs.

My brain is a dried up little craisin. Not even zombies would want it in their cinnamon buns.

Alright, Nerdsquad. It's 12:33 am and I have been pretty much transferring files (long overdue) from my old crapattack, dell, missing-the-letter-k laptop to my glorious, new-ish (November=new, right? it totes does. That's right I said totes because I am delirious) macbook FOREVER. If you're on my twitter or FB, you've been skipping over my complain-y updates for hours. and. hours.

I've found that the most effective way to avoid the bajillion glitches in my dell is to use bluetooth to move files. OMG slow. So here is some rambly crap for you to read and enjoy while I watch the progress bar until I am hypnotized and strangle something inanimate. Like that cat over there.

1. Teenagers speak aloud to each other in text. IN TEXT. They SAY "smiley face" and they SAY, "Awww Frowny". Just when I thought emo pants were the most obnoxious things ever, this surfaces. The fact that I say, "Oh Em Gee" occasionally, weighs very lightly on this, though Geeks. For rlz. I stole it from another adult who happens to be totally awesome. Totes. This is what is happening to our youth. We're pretty much screwed when we get really old, eh?

2. The farmer in my Dell

The farmer in my Dell

High Ho Ontario

The farmer in my Dell has been sucking the life out of me all day and I need to step away, but if I do, I might never take the files off of it and I hate the people at the Net Nanny place because they make my life that much more difficult and they lie to me and say it will be easy to format the computer so that it is safe for a pre teen to use it without accidentally exposing his eyes to the unsavory internets- but it's not easy at allllllll, it's a pain in the arse and I need to sleeeeeeeeeep but I'm stupid and promised I'd do thiiiiIIIIiiiiiissssssssss killlll meeeeeeeeee.... (but don't really kill me, internet weirdos, spare me because look how dedicated to stuff I am. You don't find that every day.)

3. So on my old computer were all the old lame-o youtube vidlogs I used to do. That was a stroll down memory lane/back into cabin fever. Wild. Maybe I'll post a montage of them set to some peppy and then very sad early 90s pop music. Maybe I won't.

4. Maybe instead I'll have an oreo straw. I thought plain old oreos and beer were glorious but now you can drink your beer THROUGH an oreo. A straw made of oreos for beer. Think about that awesomeness. I mean really sit down and think about it.

5. I have to stop. This blog is whacktarded.

6. I wish I was at the waterslides right this second.

May 07, 2009

Dear Internet,

Tonight a very scary raccoon crept out of the shadows at me. Wanda & I sat on the deck having a leisurely session of making fun of all the people we know who deserved it when we saw it out of the corner of our eyes, creeping along the fence. We froze upon realizing that it was neither a serial killer, Christopher Lloyd, nor a cat, but a very brave and/or undead raccoon. Well- nobody in all of time has moved faster from a porch swing to a house before. We pretty much flew, then pressed our faces against the glass to see the evil thing. It's a good thing the patio door was left open when we launched, though, because I was mentally prepared to throw Wanda in front of me just in case it was in rabid attack mode and I needed to protect myself. Luckily, it wasn't necessary and we can go on being buddies. I'm pretty sure she'd give her life for me, anyway so it's all fine.

Anyhow, I locked the patio just in case raccoons can open doors. If they can creepy stalk me, then I bet they can open patios. They seem way less cute now.

From

Chelle

Undeniable Fact #1

"A dog's hearing is so good that if it was on the moon and there was like... a siren on earth or something..... It could hear it. THAT'S how good dogs can hear. "

This is the information I picked up today from my 10 year old. When I had suggested that his information miiight be slightly... um.. embroidered, he assured me that this is a true fact. He read it. In a book. Just try and debate it.

Ten year olds know things, man. So many things, that I intend to devote an entire new category to this sort of information. He's like a gold mine of lost truth and I'd hate to forget some of his fruitful insight into things.