Considering George Washington On The Day Of His Birth

Rabid Right Wing Conservatives mistakenly hold that the Founding Fathers would have seen the world through their narrow little viewpoint, disturbingly denying that the Founding Fathers were revolutionaries, radicals & rascals. The New Extreme Right Wing insist the men who built America, with slaves who were, according to Michele Bachmann, deeply grateful to be slaves, were Red State patriots, ignoring the fact that there were no states. But accuracy & history are not important when you have God on your side. The Founding Fathers were anti-monarchists, Freemasons & atheists who held secularist & globalist views.

Washington & Hamilton

The Father of Our Country grew prodigious quantities of hemp. It was a cash crop, easy to cultivate, needing little watering or fertilizer. A hardy perennial, it needs no pesticides or herbicides. Growing hemp was profitable. Hemp was a green, sustainable crop.


Hemp farmers George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, & James Madison continue to turn over in their graves knowing that hemp is illegal. Their ghosts should appear to President Obama & scare him into understanding that legalized cannabis crop would mean billions of dollars of revenue throughout the United States.  Washington: “Mr. President… we had some killer weed back then”.

In his agricultural journals, Washington writes of regret for not separating his male hemp plants from the females. There would be little reason to do this except to make the females ready for smoking.

Washington married Martha (of whom I am a relation) for her money, stocks, bonds, real estate & slaves. At 28 years old, for the time, he married late. Martha Dandrige Custis was widow of an extremely wealthy planter, making George the richest man in America. In a letter to a friend, he complained that there was “not much fire between the sheets.”

During the Revolutionary war, General Robert Porterfield stated he "found Washington on his knees, engaged in his morning's devotions alongside Hamilton."

That ultimate liberal- Benjamin Franklin loved so many women he joked that the great miracle in his life was that he contracted no related diseases. Jefferson impregnated his slave mistress Sally Hemings at least 7 times.


Washington’s deepest devotion was for his fellow revolutionary soldiers including the 17 year old- Marquis de Lafayette, & the super sexy Alexander Hamilton, a Jamaican of unknown origins. Both were married with children, but both brought out Washington’s strongest sentiment. Washington had no children of his own.

Today’s Puritanical Patriots seem determined on running our personal lives; including what and how we view history. If they can revise the stories of our Founding Fathers to suit their whim, so can I. Let them contemplate my vision of our first president, butch & athletic, flush, fresh from battle, back in his hemp fields, in the arms of one of his dear soldiers, smoking a doobie, powdering his red hair, & whispering: "Baby, you look so damn hot in those riding breeches. Damn!”