Showing posts with label Neil. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Neil. Show all posts
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
It's Movember, Baby.
I learned about Movember today when Neil informed me that he will be growing a Magical, Seussical, Discobilly Rock'stache on his face this month. Not just a wee moustache, but the kind of moustache that will lash out and slap knaves and french kiss damsels for minutes at a time in a frenzy of manliness as they pass him on the street. A MANSTACHE, you guys. It's okay, though.. I know it's not HIM kissing the damsels: it's that impetuous, masculine moustache. The moustache that is even now, forming under his skin; a frail, fetal moustache; for today he had to shave off all his facial hair in preparation of the human landscaping that is to take over and reform his entire visage.
A moustache is a strong statement, and much like a hat, I do believe that wearing it changes the personality of its proprietor. Tweaks it. De-muttonchop a muttonchopped Scot and you will have a sad, wilted man. Strip a man of his handle-barred coif and prepare to duel. That's how men are. Protective of their moustaches. They manicure them like bonzai trees, with tiny scissors and a keen eye for rounding out their glorious lip-pelts. Neil will be a busy bee this month, alright.
Will it emerge from his pregnant follicles and be the kind of moustache that he can pet and name, like a friendly little squirrel, wintering on his face? The kind that grows great, long icicles on cold winter mornings, that dangle from his tendrils of moustache and hang dangerously over the children? Will it command the attention of even the most reluctant of media hounds? Will it sweep along the behind him, creating a zephyr of mystery everywhere he goes? Will it be able to bench press 300? Something in the air has shifted. I feel like things are about to change, you guys.
Oh please, Oh please be like this one!We are even now, scouring name books and wondering what kind of moustache it will be when it matures into a ripe, vessel of manlyman hair. With proper guidance, Neil's moustache will become the Chief of all the moustaches, commanding reverence and homage from the frail and huddled moustaches of the world- It will inspire and conquer humanity and possibly be so manly that all prostate cancer in the world will simply shrink away in shame... for that is the purpose of the Movember Moustache- to raise money and wage facial hair war on prostate cancer.
Will there be mutton chops to accompany his Scottish heritage? Will we need to seek out and purchase moustache wax? Do they even make that stuff?? The journey has begun to unravel... I will keep you updated.
And hey! I blogged! Yay me! This is just the kind of thing I need to end my blogblock. :D
PS... To donate to Neil's Movember Moustache War on Prostate Cancer, go here: http://ca.movember.com/mospace/988998/Sunday, March 21, 2010
Morning cuteness: is it really real- or what?
The following simulation is something that I like to call, "If Neil had cameras installed inside of his eyeballs/Angel of the Morning."
Psst... Neeeeeillly...
Psssst, Honey! It's Moooooorniiiiing!
Good morning, Darling, did you sleep well?

Oh, you didn't? What racket? I slept like a new baby lamb.

Nope, didn't hear a thing. Nope, nothing at all. Totally dead to the world. See? My pillow is saturated in drool even! YAAAAWN... Such a sound sleep I had...

Who me? No I don't talk in my sleep.. perhaps I snore a titch...

I said what in my sleep?
OMG, I should write that crazy s%$# down.
Why yes, I am of partial British Ancestry. Yes, and French... You knew that about me already... Did you have a bad dream or something?

Why do you ask? Voulez vous desire la cafe or something? A spot of tea whatwhat? Is that why you're asking, Neil? Is it?

HmmMMMM? Is it?

Ehhh? You want some delicious tea, do you? Or some coffee?

Just a sec... Could you just.. just scratch that itchy spot..... I'll scratch yours.. Yeah, my arms are still numb from laying on them. Nope, I have totally useless arms just now. That's great. Just great.

Thanks hon. What's that? no I can't sleep in make up.

Yeah, it clogs your pores... TERRIBLE idea, unfortunately.

You what? You got me something? You are too good to me, Neily.

Vitamins, huh? Oh you got me some... "Morning... Glory...Ladee's beauty vitamins.... You think I need these...... no? Okay, *phew*."

Are they holistic, Darling? I bet they're just as helpful as punch.

So what have you got planned today, my dear?

Oh, you're in a hurry to get to work, eh? That's a pity. Give us a kiss then... Oh that big of a hurry huh? A big meeting, have you, Sweetest?

Well then, I'm off to have a coffee & a little splash of makeup. Yes, I promise to take the vitamins... Off you go!

Let me just...*if I can just swing these sleepy old legs around...* go have a look at the damage first...

Good morning, Darling, did you sleep well?

Oh, you didn't? What racket? I slept like a new baby lamb.

Nope, didn't hear a thing. Nope, nothing at all. Totally dead to the world. See? My pillow is saturated in drool even! YAAAAWN... Such a sound sleep I had...

Who me? No I don't talk in my sleep.. perhaps I snore a titch...

I said what in my sleep?
OMG, I should write that crazy s%$# down.
Why yes, I am of partial British Ancestry. Yes, and French... You knew that about me already... Did you have a bad dream or something?

Why do you ask? Voulez vous desire la cafe or something? A spot of tea whatwhat? Is that why you're asking, Neil? Is it?

HmmMMMM? Is it?
Ehhh? You want some delicious tea, do you? Or some coffee?

Just a sec... Could you just.. just scratch that itchy spot..... I'll scratch yours.. Yeah, my arms are still numb from laying on them. Nope, I have totally useless arms just now. That's great. Just great.

Thanks hon. What's that? no I can't sleep in make up.
Yeah, it clogs your pores... TERRIBLE idea, unfortunately.
You what? You got me something? You are too good to me, Neily.
Vitamins, huh? Oh you got me some... "Morning... Glory...Ladee's beauty vitamins.... You think I need these...... no? Okay, *phew*."
Are they holistic, Darling? I bet they're just as helpful as punch.
So what have you got planned today, my dear?
Oh, you're in a hurry to get to work, eh? That's a pity. Give us a kiss then... Oh that big of a hurry huh? A big meeting, have you, Sweetest?
Well then, I'm off to have a coffee & a little splash of makeup. Yes, I promise to take the vitamins... Off you go!
Let me just...*if I can just swing these sleepy old legs around...* go have a look at the damage first...
Monday, March 15, 2010
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