Hide your calculators when you park.

One good thing about living in this city is that the gangs are not terribly deadly, however there have been a few reports of drive-by auditings and booger flickings & fart jokes have been on the rise, especially with the early spring. So I like to stay on guard at all times.

Here, you can see a spectacular nerd gang flocking toward a rare female nerd who is interacting with them. Shhhh... The male with his jacket collar turned upward, Teenwolf style seems to be the alpha and obviously the most dangerous and attractive to the female. I can hear him now, telling her how many monsters he's slain in World of Warcraft before his horrible Mom made him go take out the garbage. If she doesn't knock it off, he's totally going to get his own apartment.... "No WAY Dude, Did you tell her that??" "No, but I was gunna.."

In fact, just today when we were at the park, there were white-out bottles, empty asthma puffers strewn around and just lines and lines of syntax spray painted all over the sidewalks. It's how they mark their territory. Don't let their lack of guns fool you, though, because you just never know when you'll get home with a nasty post-it note stuck to your back if you nettle them or take too long at AtomicComikz.

I had to take this photo in secrecy with my telephoto lens to avoid being gang-nerded.

Seeing Beer Dogs for the Criminally Insane.

You know what gives me a red rump? There is no bud light lime in any of the stores in Ottawa anywhere. Everyone is sold out. Which one of you is buying it all??? Huh? Get some help, eh? Stop using up all my beers. Sure- I only looked in one store and then just went home, but I'm just going to go ahead and assume by the condescending smirk the beer store clerk gave me when I asked if they had any while pointing at their giant poster of it, that nobody has any. Nobody. Well maybe the french do, but Gatineau is alllLLLllllll the way over there. Also, I am not pleased that the Canadian beer geniuses haven't come up with a Canadian version of lime infused beer, or if they have, they've forgotten to send me a registered notice about it in the mail. It had better not be Kokanee, either. Ew. Not that I would normally touch a regular budweiser with a million bazillion foot pole. The lime kind is A-OK. The only thing more depressing than this whole scenario is reading Post Secrets.

All this after spending the afternoon at the Canadian seeing eye dog farm. I'm not joking. We went for a tour because hey, free donuts and water! Also educational stuff for the kiddies. But it was blistering hot out and all I could focus on was all the bud lite lime I was going to purchase on my way home. The dogs were pretty nice, though. I thought about putting one in my vehicle, because hey... it's not like anyone would see anyway, right? Plus they said that the dogs are totally free, and I think only giving them to the blind is discrimination against the visually unimpaired. Oh man. That was kind of a tactless joke, eh? I'm a jerk. Sorry visually impaired people. If it makes you feel better, I owe money on my taxes. Also, FYI, I put money in the plastic dog and everything, don't write me hate letters, k?. The universe has rebalanced itelf. No bad Karmel for me.

What I should have done, though, if I'd have only known about this whole no lime beer shenanigan, was stop at every beer store on the way home until I found my lime beer. I need a lime beer finding dog. A seeing lime beer dog if you will. I would name him Beery the Beerdog, or Fender.... or Mister Sprinklybeer or Limey Beerstard.

The End.

PS.. check this out. Radioactive, Conjoined, Mutant Strawberry!:

Awesome.

A Rare Monster

Holy crap you guys... I just saw my neighbor out of doors in his back yard. It's like a wildlife miracle. I would be less shocked to see the famed chupacabra christmas velociraptor. Even now, I am peering through the venetian blinds with my opera binoculars. He's looking at things. Shhhhhhhh..... let's not frighten him. Perhaps he's mapping out a new underground bunker to keep his people-pets in. I was under the impression that if he left his basement, all of the people he's kidnapped and is keeping down there might somehow alert the world to their presence.... or his grow op might become exposed. Someone might angle themselves just so and see in one of the dented blinds while his milk white head reflects the sun into their eyes, rendering them blind FOREVER. He didn't seem to be sparkling or anything, so I don't think he's a vampire. He has shiny spots, but no direct.. y'know... vampire sparkles. I feel as though I've seen the semi-hairless, caucasian cave Samsquanch.

(real book)

This is an exciting day for rare neighbor watching enthusiasts everywhere.