In which I play plagued to save Christmas.

Today I join the ranks of cut-throat deal shoppers. The annual Warehouse toy sale is today. This means ridiculously cheap brand name toys and 23847293487293423428792873 shrewd and heartless Moms & Grammies.

Normally, I hate shopping (and don't get me wrong, I still hate shopping), however..... for the past few years, I've managed to get allllll the Christmas gifts for the kids for under $300. Thus, I have to do it. Biting this bullet ensures that I will not have to step foot in even one mall in December and THAT is a beautiful thing. This toy sale is brutes, though. SOMANYPEOPLE. You have to have a contingency plan, I've found. The year before last, waiting in the 3 hour line was like playing survivor. You have to choose the correct line & form alliances with other people so that you can go to the bathroom sometimes and be willing to step over people who have died, or you will never get out. The more friends you make in line, the faster you get to the cashier. You divide and conquer. I have a new strategy. I am ready.

I've put on my protective gear, practiced my contagious sounding cough and painted red around my eyes.. because nothing makes people back the #$%& off like a really contagious looking sale-crazed woman. "Um.. maybe we should come back later.." they'll say as I am writhing & drooling alkaseltzer bubbles from my mouth in front of the 2010 Holiday Barbies. What this conveys is, "Back off people, I'm going to be first in line here. If you want one of these Barbies, you'll have to go to your car and get your hand sanitizer first", leaving me a large enough window of time to get in, get my shiz and get. out. Or maybe they'll call the police. Who knows? You have to take risks if you want your holiday season to be truly wonderful. I need to find some way to spurt fake blood around.

K, gotta go do my warm ups.

____________________

UPDATE:

Suck It! Happy Birthday, Kathleen Mary Griffin

We watched the new Kathy Griffin special- Kathy Griffin: Whore On Crutches on her birthday. We shared it with our friends- Pony Boy & Special K. Many laughs were had. We love Kathy at Post Apocalyptic Bohemia, & Kathy loves her gays & she loves dogs. We are perfect for each other. I am compiling a guest list for the perfect cocktail party. I feel that Kathy would need to be there.

Born On This Day- Nevember 4th... Photographer Robert Mapplethorpe

The Husband said: “I have seen his work in the USA, but, to experience Robert Mapplethorpe in Venice was just too perfect. You should mention this in your post today”.

We arrived in Venice in October, 1991, & there were banners all over this amazing city for a retrospect of the American artist’s work.The exhibit was held at the Fortuney museum, fabulous in itself. How odd to consider this important gay American artist in another city, & another world, & really kind of perfect. Mapplethorpe’s work deserves a place with the great classic works of art. It was, at the time, the largest retrospect of his work at that time.

This summer I spent time with the very readable- Just Kids, a memoir of the artist/musician/ writer’s friendship, romance & time spent with the remarkable Robert Mapplethorpe. Patti Smith, along with her friend Mapplethorpe, lived a particular New York dream: the Chelsea Hotel, Max’s Kansas City, CBGB, superstardom, to the fullest. I have posted so many times on my love of 20th century photography, & this man’s work & life still hold my full attention.

Ranging from graphic depictions of gay sex to portraits of flowers, Robert Mapplethorpe was all over the artistic map. His work is magnificent in its scope, frequently shocking, & ultimately very beautiful. The more extreme photographs have a tenderness to them, & the seemingly harmless photos generate an edginess that's hard to shake. Simultaneously devoted to a strict sense of formalism & composition & to forging a new iconography of homosexuality, it's easy to see why Mapplethorpe provoked so much controversy in his time.


Robert Mapplethorpe has become the essential “gay photographer.” His homoerotic photographs still disturb, but he made no concessions to the closeted: his work is not sneaky or abashed. He spreads a seductive & provocative version of his style throughout the world & the fashion world bounced his message back to the mainstream. His death from AIDS, in 1989, at the age of 42, gives his short life a special symbolic aura. His iconic position strongly influences how we see his photographs: he is both overrated & underrated. I feel that Mapplethorpe needs to be noted in history as Mapplethorpe- the artist, not just a gay artist, & to be placed in the great tradition of classical art.


The art world, & public funding for the arts in America, is completely different because of his work. His work has been accused of being obscene. So what? Mapplethorpe made & porn the same thing. That is his greatest contribution to American artistry. For me, the most erotic material he produced was his photographs of the sex organs of flowers. That work is startling. You can now google the word "Mapplethorpe" & view of the photographs that caused conservative activists who knew nothing about art, but knew what was moral, to successfully end public funding for the arts. The controversy seems overblown now, but a good look at Mapplethorpe's pictures is enough to verify that he is still cutting edge & still original.