Reflections On An Autumn Evening

I have been fortunate to have enjoyed acquaintances with all sorts of human beings: very young, very old, different races & nationalities, men, women, straight, queer, very rich, very poor, the gamut of sizes, types & dispositions. I have had fewer close friends & lovers, but love them I did, with deep, devout, & diligent devotion. Yet, when pressed, I will own up to hating humanity.

An adherent to the concept of Karma, I had to have been some sort of son-of-a-bitch in past lives. I don’t much care for the masses, but I found myself, in this life, front & center, facing the public, working in front of an audience or in restaurants or retail… & I don’t actually like people. Every day I was made to face people & attempt to make them happy, satisfied or entertained.

As a news junky, the human race never disappoints in their savagery & stupidity with heady mix of depravity, malice, heartlessness & disregard for the beautiful, fragile, blue orb that we are forced to share.

Yesterday I met Geoff at Boys’ Fort. He is a handsome, lithe, robust, sparkle-eyed gentleman of a certain age. We ended up chatting on for a while & Geoff told me this story: Middle aged Geoff was living in San Francisco, working as a designer, when he fell in love with a younger strapping, athletic “farm boy from the mid-west”. Geoff & Roger made lives for themselves, both working long, difficult days & attempting to sock away some savings. They lived paycheck to paycheck, as so many of us do, yet found a way to invest.

When the couple had been together a decade & a half, they found little time to be together or enjoy each other. Slowing down to enjoy their time, Geoff was diagnosed with cancer. Roger saw him through chemo, surgery & recovery.

Geoff & Roger took a moment to evaluate & contemplate their lives together, & very much in love, they decided to jump off the cliff of comfort. They "moved some money around”, sold a lot of their treasures & moved to the much less expensive Portland, living in a small condo in the Pearl District.

As Geoff was recovering from a second bout with cancer he encouraged his strapping farm boy to get back to exercising & train for the marathons that Roger used to love to run when they first became a couple. Roger wanted to make Geoff happy & hopeful after his long illness.

Rodger went for a run & dropped dead from a heart attack at age 51.

Within 24 hours, Roger’s family had a hired a lawyer & because they were not legally married in Oregon, Roger’s parents were able to take everything. Every book, piece of art, stick of furniture, Christmas gift, everything that 16 years together brought in to their lives was gone within 3 weeks, including the bank accounts that they shared. Some assets still in California were spared because Geoff & Roger were married in that state & registered as domestic partners, but Roger’s family tried to take that also & Geoff had to spend money on a lawyer to protect & defend his interests. Geoff: "I was left with nothing but my grief"

I am heartsick remembering Geoff’s narrative, yet Geoff’s spirit was somehow bright. I have not been able to stop thinking about him.

"Of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing can ever be made."
Immanuel Kant

On that note... this month the 7 billionth person was added to the planet & the Black Rhinoceros became extinct, a victim of poaching.

On This Day In Gay History... Spain Recognizes Same-Sex Marriage

On July 3, 2005, when the Spanish parliament approved same-sex marriage, it handed a major victory to the Socialist Party &  produced the ire of the Roman Catholic Church, which denounced the measure as "unjust."

Spain followed  The Netherlands & Belgium, where same-sex marriage has been legal for some time.  Other European countries followed, with same- sex marriage now legal in Norway, Sweden, Iceland, & Portugal.

The vote was held after Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero unexpectedly took the floor of parliament to speak in its support.  Zapatero: "We are expanding the opportunities for happiness of our neighbors, our colleagues, our friends & our relatives. At the same time, we are building a more decent society."

Rafael Nadal remains single...

Portia De Rossi Says She Is Sorry

I know, Portia. I am sorry too. It was never my intention to redefine marriage for eveyone else when I married the man that I love! Really!

The Husband

R. is my husband. He is a very talented artist & designer. He also can be difficult & unyielding, but I have caused him some grief in our 30 years as a team.

We almost divorced in late 2007/early 2008. My choice, I realized, was not whether there was enough room in my life for this man, but whether I wanted to be patient enough & persistant enough to make our relationship work as a team.

We are doing much, much better now & we seem to be finding each other again. I have decided that too many couples are too quick to divorce. Being in a relationship is not a choice you make once & then forget, & maybe because as gay men who often don't have access to traditional rituals that symbolically "seal the deal", "fluidity" is much more of an option for us. It can be unnerving, but it also gives us more of a challange to rise to our better selves. It is a choice I make every day. If I am not choosing it every day, then I'm not really in it. Every day, I choose this house, these dogs, & this man.

We met in 1977. We were both working in the world of theatre. He was a set designer & occasional actor. He had been working in Belgium & had just moved back to the USA with his wife & young daughter.

We new each other for about two years before we became involved. We did a lot of theatre together during that time. On October 9 1979, we told each other that we were in love with each other. We celebrate that date as our anniversary. I felt unbelievable guilt for breaking up his marriage. I still do sometimes. Rolfe remains good friends with his ex-wife & we helped raise his daughter.

We were married on our 25th anniversary in Vancouver BC. Our very good friends Eiric & Ken were our best men. We had a party in Seattle , where we had lived for 20 years, that evening with about 60 friends & family.

He thinks that I am a rigid control freak. I think that he is often "remote".

I also think he is very handsome, an amazing talent, a champion of the underdog & he is admired by many people.

I still love him very much.