Born On This Day- April 11th... Joel Grey

I don’t know how I came to latch on to him. The heart wants what the heart wants. For some reason from an early age, I have been attracted to the all purpose show biz journeymen: Screen, Stage, Concerts, TV, Nightclubs, commercials; actor/singer/dancers: Judy Garland, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr, Liza, Fred Astaire, Noel Coward. I became fascinated with Joel Grey in the mid-1960s. I wanted to model my career on his & strangely... I wanted to kiss him.

I look back now, & I am actually embarrassed that I had a Joel Grey scrapbook; what sort of really weird little gay child was I? I was 12 years old, & while visiting the grandparents in rural Illinois, I insisted that they drive 80 miles to St Louis to see Joel Grey (& Bernadette Peters) in George M! at the Muni (The Municipal Opera). I need you to understand, I didn’t want the grandparents to take me to the musical; I wanted them to drop me off a block away & I would enter on my own.  I would see the show solo (so very cosmopolitan) & not have to share my Joel Grey moment with the rubes. I loved seeing the musical about the life of George M. Cohen & I was zany- over the moon for Mr. Grey’s performance. Singing, Dancing, Acting. The thrill lasted for months.

The scene shifts to Seattle, in 1991. I am fully adult, in my late 30s & I have done a little acting, singing & dancing myself. I am "day jobbing" as a maitre d’ at a swank, upscale vegetarian eatery. I’m not easily impressed by celebrity. In the year of having this job, I have sat regular- Tom Skerritt & his many actor guests such as Yaphet Kotto & Meg Ryan, but I am not prepared when I have to face my childhood idol- Joel Grey when he & guest enter the cafe.

I gently explain to the Oscar, Tony, BAFTA, & Golden Globe winner (he is one of only 8 actors to win a Tony & Oscar for the same role) & his guest, that we have a short wait, & that while trying not to offend the others in line, I will do everything I can to get them a table very soon. I consider kicking the lingering, tea drinking lesbians out. While standing at the host podium, a few inches away from the object of my childhood obsession-JOEL GREY, a small group of 20 something veg-heads enter & push their way up to me & my waiting list. I keep thinking- “No! Please! Don’t bother Mr.Joel Grey, he is MY guest.”  When the group reaches me, they shriek & giggle, point, & then ask- “Hey, aren’t you that guy in SINGLES?”

Yes indeed, boys & girls, I was recognized as an actor in front of the man whose photos, reviews, programs & ticket stubs filled a little homosexual theatre nerd’s scrapbook.


Joel Grey: “You are in the movie SINGLES?”

Stephen: (sheepish, yet sexy, with genuine humility) “Yes, Mr. Grey. Cameron Crowe was really fun to work with. It was a great shoot.”

Joel Grey: "My daughter is a friend of Campbell Scott & I believe he is on that film. He is such a nice young man… & so smart & talented. He is really gonna go places.”

Stephen: (a bit bodacious) “& that would be Jennifer Grey, star of DIRTY DANCING?... & yes Campbell Scott is quite talented & a sweetheart.

Then it happens.I held off for so long & now sickeningly, I gush. I tell this great performer about the experience of seeing George M! all by myself at 12 years old & about the scrapbook & even the crush. I have met & worked with many celebrities & important actors by this point in my life, & I have never behaved like this. & I am on the job! What was wrong with me? It was as if my circuit board overloaded.

Joel Grey: (laughing & smiling) “Well Mr. Appears in SINGLES, you are just something else!”

Stephen: (crossing Mr. Grey's name off the waiting list) "Your table is ready, Mr. Grey. This way, please."

Joel Grey tears off a corner of the wait-list from the clip board, borrows my pen, & takes a moment to write something down. I pray it is not a complaint to the owners & about my blathering. Am I the gayest thing he has ever encountered? He smiles & sticks the paper in my jacket pocket.

On my first chance, I read his note: “Thanks for being such a big fan for so many years. Love, Joel Grey”. I go in the walk-in fridge & cry. I cry for the little 12 year gay boy who would have never believed it possible. I still have the note. It is in a cigar box with Merle Oberon’s place card from MGM’s 50th Anniversary Ball, my ticket stub from the 1974 Academy Awards, my call sheet from Drugstore Cowboy, a post card from my father postmarked from Rutledge, Georgia, & a love letter from my Husband.


Grey turns 80 years old today. I have been a very big fan for 45+ years. Grey continues to work. He is appearing on Broadway in Cole Porter's Anything Goes alongside the fabulous Sutton Foster. He directed The Normal Heart on Broadway, winning another Tony.

Born On This Day- May 25th... Actor/Activist Ian McKellen

"I remember losing only one job because of my coming out. I was supposed to play one of the lead roles in Harold Pinter's 'Betrayal' who eventually were given to Ben Kingsley & Jeremy Irons. The producer Sam Spiegel dropped a sexist comment about wives during a meeting & when I replied I was fortunate to be gay, I was quickly shown the door.”

We both belong to Acting Guilds & we both became passionate about theatre after viewing Peter Pan. We both started acting as a child, did university theatre, moved on to regional theatre & came to work in movies & TV later in life… & we are both big old homos who thought working in the theatre was a good place to meet guys. I guess the similarities end there. Sir Ian McKellen is the greatest actor of last 50 years & I am a dilettante.

Sir Ian McKellen became an actor to meet men. He admits he felt isolated when he was younger, but thought he would meet other gay people if he embarked on a stage career: "I'd heard that a lot of professional actors were gay. Acting seemed like a chance for me to meet like-minded people. You know, at that time same-sex love in Britain got you into prison. Homosexuality was being completely hushed up. Gay teachers, politicians or firemen - that was something unthinkable. When I was young I thought I was the only gay Brit. That's why I was glad to find people like me in the actors guild."

Early in his career he was spotted by Maggie Smith. She recommended McKellen to Laurence Olivier, then building his new National Theatre at the Old Vic.. His first production at the National was Franco Zeffirelli's 1965 production of Much Ado About Nothing, with Maggie Smith, Robert Stephens, Albert Finney, Derrick Jacobi & newcomer Michael York.

Sir Ian worked through the ranks in repertory theatre & tours of the classics. At the Edinburgh Festival in 1969, Ian performed both Richard II & Edward II & blew audiences & critics away. McKellen:"I remember one heady evening in my dressing room at the Piccadilly, when I introduced Noel Coward to Rudolf Nureyev. I thought, I suppose I'd arrived".

McKellen was persuaded to join the Royal Shakespeare Company by its artistic director, Trevor Nunn. His range included Dr Faustus & Romeo. His Macbeth in 1976, with Judi Dench is considered to be the best since Lawrence Olivier. The company took The Three Sisters & Twelfth Night on tour to 26 towns in the UK & then on to the USA. He loved to take theatre to the people: " it truly was the most enjoyable thing I have ever done".

On Broadway in 1980, McKellen played Salieri in Amadeus. He created the role for which F. Murray Abraham would later win an Oscar. McKellen was consoled with the Tony Award. Also on Broadway, he played Richard III as a wicked plotter creating a fascist state in future England. He brilliantly recreated the role on film.

Never really in the closet to the theatre community, in 1988, McKellen admitted he was gay while discussing Section 28, Margret Thatcher’s legislation that would make the "public promotion of homosexuality" a crime. He became a one of the foremost campaigners for Gay Rights, co-founding the Stonewall group. John Gielgud would be a contributor in secret.

McKellen originated the role of Max in Bent, about the suffering of gays under the Nazis. The film version featured Clive Owen as Max, McKellen as Uncle Freddie, & with Mick Jagger appearing in drag. He appeared in Tales Of The City, & in And The Band Played On, about the discovery of & early fight against HIV. As activist Bill Kraus, Ian stood out in a cast including Richard Gere, Anjelica Huston, Steve Martin, receiving an Emmy nomination .

Even as a full blown movie star, McKellen returned to ensemble theatre for a season at the West Yorkshire Playhouse, appearing in The Seagull, The Tempest & Noel Coward’s Present Laughter. On screen he would appear in small art house film fare: The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy (another Oscar nom), X-Men, & The Da Vinci Code.

McKellen is responsible for 2 of my favorite performances in 2 of my very favorite films: hilarious & outragous in Cold Comfort Farm & pretty, witty & very gay, & Oscar nominated as director James Whale in Gods & Monsters. I can’t think of a living person that I admire more. Sir Ian McKellen is one of the greatest actors of all time & a relentless activist for equal rights. He remains happily single as he turns 72 years old today.