Chop Suey

I don’t care for buffets or pot lucks, when stoned, I have given in to both, but I don’t find any charm in either.

In a prime spot in the neighborhood, in a bulky building that has housed 6 failed food establishments in 10 years, sits the newest local eatery- The Super Buffet. I said to The Husband: “I walked by The Super Buffet & discovered that they serve Chinese, but with lots of veggie items including sesame tofu. There is a menu; you don’t have to do the buffet.”  The Husband replies: “How bad could it be? What can go wrong with Asian vegetables? We need to go ahead & try it. It supports the neighborhood.”

Of course it was terrible; you were way ahead on the punch line for this post. Indeed, it was Super Bad. We asked for menus & the idea of such a thing threw the person seating us for such a loop, that she was forced to bring out the owner from the back office. We ordered 2 vegetarian items from the menu, even after it was explained to us that the items were on the buffet, which was “all you can eat.” The husband & I observed the place filling up with dozens of fat, toothless diners with walkers (really), bringing piles of crab legs back to their tables. There was no music playing & the place is cavernous. The edgy echo of breaking crab shells & mouths sucking & slurping was our soundtrack for dinner. I couldn't even find a joke in the experience & remarked to The Husband: “I won’t even be able spin this into a blog post or a Facebook gag.”

This morning, on the way to a favorite local watering hole that serves a terrific breakfast, we passed by Super Buffet & I turned to the Husband to inform him: “Look! Super Buffet is offering 10% off. Wow!  If I won the lottery, I would buy that property & turn it into an after-hours gay sex club. That would scandalize the ‘hood. I wouldn't have to change the blacked out windows or the sign. I would call the sex club- The Super Buffet.”  The Husband retort:
“All you can eat, don’t order off the menu…”