Sunday, April 29, 2012

I'm Just A Girl Who Can't Sat No


I met her once. It was really rather a thrill because I am true fan, & at the time, a musical queen. I was over the moon to meet the original Ado Annie from Oklahoma!. As a film smart, savvy young gay man my head was simply spinning to be meeting Karen, Margo Channing’s best friend in All About Eve, one of my very favorite films.

The occasion was being received back stage by Betty Garrett, after her one-woman show- Betty Garrett & Other Songs at the Westwood Playhouse in Spring 1976. Betty Garrett had been my acquaintance for a year, & we had recently been at a very informal outdoor dinner thrown by mutual friends. Betty & I had a very special conversation that evening that ended with Betty offering me the house seats to her show the next evening. I took her up on the offer, & the show was splendid, sparkling & sentimental. After her big finish, but before the curtain call, Betty looked into the house with her hands shielding her eyes & announced while pointing : "My dead friend Celeste & Stephen… I want to see you both in my dressing room in a few minutes.” I turned to the person next to me & nudged & whispered- “That’s me… I'm Stephen, I’m not Celeste.”



So, Oscar winner & consummate character actor Celeste Home, & little curly-haired redheaded Stephen hung out in the dressing room while Betty Garrett got out of costume & make up. Celeste Holm & our hero made small talk & loudly praised Ms. Garrett’s show. I heaped praise on Holme's stage performance in Mame, which I had adored in 1968.

I declined an offer from the 2 amazing stars of Hollywood’s golden era to move on to the next party as a team. Instead, I would opt for Studio One in West Hollywood, hoping that some hot man would shove that little brown bottle under my nose, the one that makes me feel so sexy & really connected with the thumping music. I did meet a beefy redhead that took me to his place in Venice Beach, used me for my considerable talents & then made me breakfast. I came to the fork in the road, & I made the wrong decision. I could have partied away the evening with the woman who introduced the world to the showstopper- I Can't Say No (by coincidence, the title of a chapter in my memoir- Jockstraps & Vicodin), instead I took the fork that might have gotten me forked.

Celeste, I was dense, I was callow, I was young. I was thinking with my dick. I apologize. Ask me again, I will devote a date to you & we can remember our friend Betty. Take me up on my offer. Happy 94th birthday! You out lived the entire cast of All About Eve. You are still one hot number!

Celeste Holm tells this story: She was nominated for an Oscar for a film she made with Loretta Young- Come To The Stable, in which they both played nuns! Loretta had become quite pious after having given birth to Clark Gable's love child (talk about virgin birth... she then adopts her own daughter) & Loretta Young announced to the cast & crew that there would no swearing or strong language on the set. Miss Young had set up a penalty box; if someone should slip up & use a Goddamn, fuck or shit, they would need to put a nickle in the box, with the proceeds going to a Vatican charity at the end of the shoot. Holme's good friend Ethel Merman stopped by the set to visit. Ethel took a 10 dollar bill out of her purse & slipped it into the Curse Box & loudly proclaimed- "There you go Loretta. Now you can go fuck yourself". I told this story to a group of 20-35 year olds that I supervise at my job. Not a single one knew of Celeste Holm, Loretta Young, Ethel Merman, or All About Eve, even the gay ones. I hate getting old.

Holmes also relates: "I walked onto the set of All About Eve on the first day & said, 'Good Morning,' to Miss Bette Davis, & do you know her reply? She said, 'Oh shit, good manners'. I never spoke to her again ... ever."

Celeste Holm lives in her native NYC. She married 5 times; she married her current husband, opera singer Frank Basile, on April 29, 2004, her 87th birthday. Celeste turns an astonishing 95 today.


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