I watched The Birds. I might have fallen asleep in the middle.

I thought that since scenes from Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds are apparently now my blog's new theme, I should probably watch it. So last night, I sent the kids off to bed and Neil went down to his office to watch cartoons for work and I set about flipping through the on demand movie channels.


At first, I wasn't going to watch The Birds when I got all settled in with my jammies and myblankie and my tea and my raisin cookies. I was going to watch Paranormal Activity because I heard it was pretty scary. When I am stressed out, I have this hang up where watching a scary movie makes my own stress seem like happy carnival land, because nobody is trying to peck my eyeballs out as far as can tell. Having kids makes it seem like that at times, but I am 73% sure that's all in my head.

Yeah I know, I'm gross okay?

First I decided to watch the trailer for Paranormal Activity, because I don't actually know what Paranormal Activity is about. So I looked it up on the youtubes. I wanted to get a good feel for whether or not I was too chicken to actually watch it.

H O L Y.

Yep. Still too chicken.

Something invisible crawled under that lady's bed sheets, you guys. In the TRAILER, you guys. Her sheets lifted, Readers; lifted. It made me choke on a raisin. I like to think that maybe she's just gassy. Maybe she had a little too much chili & beer on the weekend. You know? Over did it on the nachos and fake cheese; had some beans and some cabbage and some beer and some chili. She just went all out on it and stuffed herself. Maybe she's lactose intolerant and had herself a milkshake, too. Got all that stuff mixed up inside of her and it's just not agreeing with her. I bet she ate too fast. Perhaps she also has an irritable bowel or something. This is reality, people. Things like that have happened to people. There is no need to be all squeamish. You have to consider every angle before really cleaving to the idea that it is paranormal activity going on in that giant air pocket that appeared in the bed. Paranormal GAS is what it sometimes is.

Footage taken from the trailer:

1:34:10am, as you can see- all is calm.


1:34:12 am, Ruh-Roh, Raggy!

"OMG DID YOU JUST FART IN OUR BED, KATIE?"

"Umm.... I think it was a ghost or something...."

"The sheets just went up like a hot air balloon."

"Yeah.... the house is.... um... haunted I think"

*PTHTHTHHHHHHHHHHPTH*

"SWEET CRAP, IT SMELLS LIKE SOMETHING DIED."

"Ghosts are dead people, honey. That's probably what you smell".

"I smell farts and the sheets lifted. My eyes are watering, Katie. They. are. watering."

"Nobody believes there are ghosts at first, Honey. Everyone knows that."

"I think I want a divorce."

"Shhh... it's about to happen again."

"I am calling a lawyer."

"Shhh.... Just close your eyes, Mike, I'm going to show you what a dutch oven is..."

I'm not emotionally ready for that kind of movie (I'm still not over the grudge) so I decided to see what else was going on in TV landy land and then there it was: The Birds, listed under Classic Films, $3.99. Yes, that is more my speed: Made in the 60s: check. Birds are glued to a house for special effects: check. Yes. That I can do. So I ordered it. PS. I'm not afraid to tell you guys that my pay per view password is #1234. I feel like I can trust you with this private information.

So I got to watching it, but the beginning was pretty painfully boring, so I decided to do some important bird psychology research while it got to the good screechy 60s bird parts...

........

I got a little sleepy.

Annnnngraaaah baahds.....

Waaaaatch da baaaaaahds an da taaaayvaaaay.....

So anyway, I think I missed part of the plot while I was researching birds, because I don't think Whitney Houston at any point was leading the way through the dark with her marijuana torch in that movie.

Correct me if I'm wrong.


Either way, I think it was pretty freaky. All in all it was worth the $3.99.