A Black Swan Reality Check.

See how good I am at designing packaging?

So I saw Black Swan last night on my fancy valentines time date. Spoiler alert, you guys. Spoiler. Alert.

I've decided not to become a prima donna ballerina after all. Besides, apparently my homemade ballerina moves are frowned on by local choreographers when I go to all the open auditions. It's not like I've never watched a ballerina on tv or anything. Give me some credit, National Ballet Academy. Apparently crocs are not the same as ballet slippers. Do you know how expensive toe shoes are, Readers? It's a damn fool crime. And APPARENTLY they were unimpressed that I can practically tap dance as shown to Neil while I was frying hamburger and he was peeling potatoes for our hobo dinner. He didn't argue. He knows what I'm capable of. Besides, I don't think ballerinas like hobo dinners. Or baked beans. Or maybe eating much at all, given how far the physio therapist in that movie was able to shove her hand under Natalie Portman's ribs in order to massage her diaphragm. That was the worst part. So I guess it's not the new career I'd hoped it would be.

That's not the main reason why I've decided to forgo my plans of moving to Winnipeg one day to open a ballet school in my old age after astonishing everyone with my portrayal of (just a second, I have to look up a ballet part) Gisele on... Ballerina Broadway. My main reason is that sometimes I get stressed out. I worry about things. Well I don't want to go sprouting feathers every time I'm cranky like Natalie Portman did, Readers. It's already a bad scene. Adding feathers would just be embarrassing. What if Starbucks messed up my coffee and I accidentally grew a beak? After watching black swan, I know that this could happen to me and I gotta tell you, it's worrisome.

I mean, everyone wants a superpower- but I don't want to just get any super power that rolls along . Not a beak. Not backwards bird legs, tyvm. I need to control my stress because obviously, nobody can control what super power they get, and I am sure that some of the super powers that people get are a little bit mediocre and less ..er..feature length movie worthy... I just don't want to take that kind of risk.

Not everyone can shoot storms out of their eyes or turn into sand or a psychotic suicidal ballerina swan or fly in their wheelchairs . What if my super power was that every time I sneezed, flowers grew out of my shoulders? What if I mutated and my super power made me attract penguins whenever I was in a hurry? What if my knuckles actually turned to brass but I had nobody to punch out? That would just be frustrating. Before you know it, you're a villain.

Yeah. To Hades with being a famous Ballerina. Practically tap dancing is where it's probably at.

Also... did she stab Winona Ryder with a nail file in the hospital or what?? I feel like I didn't get closure. I need to write a letter to Natalie Portman.