Today is the DaaAAaaaaY

Inglourious Basterds is going to be on Pay-per-view as of today!

I never did get to see it in the theatre and I have been pacing around, mumbling to myself and worrying ever since. Now, I've built it all up in my head and might have impossible expectations. I must ready myself. I must make haste. I must prepare the snacks, because come 8:35ish o'clock tonight, I will be gussying myself up with lipstick and an assortment of other beauty accoutrements, then plunking myself down in front of the tube and fixing my eyeballs upon the screen, perhaps weeping a little in anticipation. I will gently dab away the tears, reattach my false eyelashes, bat them a few times and breathe a sigh of relief.

So if any of you ruin it for me, I will be a troll on your blog forever. Don't tell me anything except that you LOVED it so much. I don't care if you're a liar. Lie to me. Don't try and sound smart, unless you're telling me how awesome the movie is without giving me a single hint or detail or bit of information to be 'ready for' or any such other clue. I don't want to be ready for a great twist, I don't want to know that it's kinda gory... etc etc. I want to find these things out on my own. I can totally take it. I don't want to know what your favourite bit was. So stop crawling all over me, trying to give away all the best parts already. Get ahold of yourself, don't be that person who can't stand it if they don't get to tell you that they KNOW about the exciting twist and have to tell you it's there - but they'll "NEEEEEVER tell you what is IIiIIIiiIIiiiIIsSSssSS!" as they froth and spit all over themselves with the excitement of knowing there is a twist. Then I sit there and guess at what the twist will be the whole time and I'm usually right. Just keep your composure, please.

I will decide later if I'm going to buy it (I am, I can just tell that I am). I am curious to find out if it's as awesome as Zombieland, which is one of the new greatest movies of all time. Imagine if they combined the two and then made them 3D... whoa. I could totally be a movie mixer for my new big timey job. For example:

Gone with the Wind + A fish called Wanda= The Wind smells like Fish....or The Wind called Wanda is Gone with the Fish, Wanda called the fish then wind blew her skirt over her head? The fish has Wind? All great title ideas. Hellooo! John Cleese would make a far superior Rhett Butler. You know it, I know it. Clark Gable is up in heaven smacking his head as he reads this blog and realizes it. Even now, he might be asking God to go back in time, make the movie in the 70s instead and give the job to Cleese. I know I am. Jamie Lee Curtis could totally pull off Mammy. Kevin Kline could be Ashley. Oh Ashley! Vivien Leigh could stay Scarlett... even though she died in 1967. They can do amazing things with animatronics these days.

That right there is enough to put on my curriculum vitae. The bigwig CEOS will probably want to make me the head of the career department at the working place. I'll tell them that I need time to think it over because commuting to a job isn't really what I had in mind, unless they want to put a helicopter pad on my roof. Then I'll finally have that Michellicopter I've always dreamed of, with a banner that reads, wheeeeeeee (and never gets caught in the propeller).

Also, I got a new coffee maker.