That's how they git you. They're under the $#%&@& ground!

So tonight I'm going on a real live date! I've had this post stewing around in my head all afternoon, by the way. Even when I was laying half consciously on the couch, reclaiming the sleep I'd lost by my ridiculous adventure into boot camp at 6 am. Even as Neil and I sat at the restaurant, gnawing on deep fried dill pickles (which I've decided are my newest and most potent vice after triple espressos), I stewed. It rolled and sloshed around in my brain like a half filled barrel of fish aboard an express train to hell, and you can imagine what THAT must be like. I even felt a little sea sick.

So. I wonder what we should do on our date... at first we had considered going and renting a fancy hotel room, but you know what? You can totally nap at mattress world for free, except for that time that I fell asleep there chewing gum- First they wanted me to BUY the mattress, but as if. I told them that there was gum stuck to it and there is no way I'm buying a gummy mattress, so I loaded up my take-out boxes and my sleeping bag and vowed never to return.

No no, naps are an awesome date idea and all, but I'm thinking of something much jazzier. We've already taken Neil's phone to the repair shop to have the glass replaced from an unknown and mysterious incident which caused the glass to crack and has nothing to do with me borrowing it and going out for martinis the other night. It's something else altogether and frankly I'm a little offended at the implicating feeling I'm getting from all of you who are glaring unapprovingly at your monitors right now. I can tell, you know and I'll thank you kindly to knock it off. So basically we can cross that activity off the date night list of fun rendezvous ideas.

I'm a little disappointed that the date isn't tomorrow night as the Mayfair is featuring the movie, Tremors. I haven't seen Tremors in a theatre. I only saw Tremors when I was 11ish years old on late night satellite when I'd snuck up to watch TV one night. I was not allowed to watch Tremors for a very valid reason. That reason is that I may or may not have had the inability to tell horror monsters from reality and I might have believed that there was a very real possiblity that the show was actually a documentary about living beings (because what if it WAS?). Once I saw the monsters in the movies, they probably existed which would lead to my mother being annoyed to death with my paranoia. In fact, after watching it, I distinctly remember playing at my friend, Donna's house, and trying desperately to jump on her trampoline without alerting the underground space worms as to my location so that they wouldn't explode from the earth and slurp me down their terrible, muddy throats, moreover, I had to still appear to be cool and fun to hang around. It was a fine balance to walk.

I also refused to go into the basement and avoided it at all costs just in case a tremor worm burst through the concrete and sucked me into the ground adjacent to me. I felt pretty safe in the winter, thanks to frozen ground- but I developed a genuine fear of making the ground vibrate in any way. So I was a very light stepper. Being pregnant helped that whole stepping lightly precaution. In fact, when I was pregnant, I remember stomping around, hoping that the ground WOULD open up and swallow me. Even if it was just for a few hours of nap time.

Well. I want to let you know that I've gotten over it (pretty much) and in celebration, it would be prudent to watch Tremors at the Mayfair Theatre/renew my very real fear of giant underground predatory worms for my date if a nap is going to be totally out of the question.