So I decided to take a break from reading about vampires on wikipedia while eating caramel directly out of a jar with a baby spoon to go outside and take in some nice big breaths of fresh air/spy on the neighbors who left their garbage receptacles out for too long even though the garbage men came YESTERDAY.
I got myself all prepared to take my first big breath of refreshing air that still smells great because the farm down the road has yet to dump pig manure downwind from me as they like to do on nice spring days.
I got alllllll ready, I even thought about baby chickens and fresh green grass and inhaled deeply after the count of three. Well. The little bastard of a black fly who had been watching me and biding his time decided to go on a martyrdom suicide mission and fly directly into my lung ON MY FIRST BREATH. His little act of bug terrorism was a total success. I just know I'm going to get a letter with different kinds of radical bug sects claiming responsibility, too. But I know it wasn't a bee OR a ladybug. I know who did this.
JUST what I needed. Fanatic, militant bugs working together outside my house so that they can ruin my life. WELL I WILL NEVER CONVERT. You hear that, Nature?? NEVER. I'll find some DDT if its the last thing I do. You'll never win, Nature. NEVER.
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