WELL. I turn 30 in 1 day, 15 hours, 6 minutes and 2ish seconds. How. did. this. happen? I feel like I should go buy something made of crushed velvet leopard print with rhinestones that read, "Hot Mama" and hang out in a karaoke bar during day time hours or something. I already like karaoke and I do already find teenagers a little frightening- plus they're probably on drugs, so- y'know- I'm moving along nicely with my 'out of touch with the youth' directive. By the time my kids are actual teenagers, I should be good and embarrassing- which we all know is the best kind of parenting leverage that there is. "You got a tongue ring, dearest Daughter? WELL then I'm getting six of them. What time should I arrive at your school to show all of your friends? In the morning? I'll make an appointment with your teacher to show the class straight away. Should I wear my new leopard print leisure suit? Do you think the school will mind if I bring along my martini-in-a-water-bottle? MwahahahahAHHAHAHAHA! " It's a brilliant plan. I'm pretty excited about the whole thing.
So yeah. Almost there.
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