Things Like This Just Piss Me Off...

Group Of NJ Insurance Workers Wins Mega Millions.

That's right... some insurance workers in Jersey won MILLIONS. Sigh. Nine people won a $216 Million Dollar jackpot.

Why does God love some people more than others? Hmmm.

If I won millions... well, I wouldn't write this mother loving blog anymore that is for sure! Oh, who am I kidding-of course I would still write it. I am a glutton for punishment.

Actually, I would like to think that I would not go crazy with the money and still live pretty much the way we live now-only with nicer clothes, a bigger house, new cars with pimped out rims and I would get that tummy tuck and boob job I have been dreaming about since I gave birth to my first child.

See-you would hardly see the difference.

If I won all that money-I could probably PAY a publisher to publish my book and not have to worry about this whole "literary agent" thing. I could probably even pay someone to write it as well! Ahhh, how much easier life would be.

If I won all that money-I would have a personal chef, a personal trainer and a nanny seeing as I would want to spend most of my time laying by the pool and sipping fruity drinks that make me feel like I am spinning around in circles when I am actually sitting still (kind of like the gas the dentist used to give me as a child-that was great stuff). Oh-and before you start to think that money would make me enjoy working out... the personal trainer would be for my husband because he is one of those weird people who doesn't feel like his day is complete until he is sweaty and panting... come to think of it, I am the same-only different. Ahem.

eh, maybe I wouldn't have a nanny-my kids like to swim. We would just hang out at the pool together... and the fruity drinks would make me forget that they were mine and I would yell things like "Hey Lady! Can you pay a little attention to your kids?" or "Someone call the manager of this establishment-kids are running everywhere!"

I would go back to homeschooling my kids-or rather I would pay someone to school my kids at home. That way I would feel less guilty about laying by the pool all day.

My eyebrows would always be waxed and I would have my armpit hair lasered off.

My feet would never again be dried or cracked-they would feel as soft and smooth as the day I was born. That alone is worth the purchase of a lottery ticket.

I would pay for my mother to go to rehab for that nasty wine addiction she has-or I would at least buy her wine that does not cost $19 a box.

But most importantly... if I won the lottery, I would NEVER go on television and tell the world that it was me. No, I would have some obscure lawyer anonymously claim the prize a month or so after they have determined that there was a winner. That way all of my high school friends who I never talk to anymore will not be calling me and asking for money... the same goes for my mother in law.

So if you hear of a lottery winner that has not claimed the prize yet and I start to tell you things on this blog like "we had caviar with our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches yesterday" -you may start to wonder if it was me that won.

But you'll never know, because I fully intend on changing my name and living happily ever after.

So... what would YOU do with all that money-and don't tell me "I would donate it all to the poor" because you are a big liar.