Holiday Mix

I have been trying to reason why the hardcore Evangelical Christians get their collective Bradys In A Bunch over the use of the term- The Holidays to identify the period between Thanksgiving & New Year's Day. Christmas, although Christ's birth is a mighty event, is only 2 days long: Christmas Eve & Christmas Day ( & not really the most important day in Christendom). I will take THE HOLIDAYS, but then, I believe inclusion is a virtue & not a Socialist indoctrination method. So, I raise a glass of whiskey to all those celebrated days of December:


World AIDS Day- December 1st (Today an estimated 33 million people are living with HIV).

Hanukkah- December 20th-28th: the Hebrew word for dedication, honors the victory of the Jews over the Greek Syrians in 165 BC. After their victory, the Maccabees, sons of the family that led the revolt, entered the Holy Temple in Jerusalem & dedicated it to the service of their God. When the Maccabees entered the temple, they found only enough lamp oil to last one night, but the oil somehow managed to burn for the whole 8 days it took to go in search for more oil. So, saving on the lighting bill, Hanukkah is observed over 8 evenings. I can never figure out how to spell it & as of yet, I can't write in Hebrew.

Winter Solstice-December 22nd: Scientists, Pagans & Wiccans celebrate the longest night of the year by dancing. Count me in.

Christmas Day- December 25th: A long time ago, in a land far away, a virgin gave birth to the son of God, who grew up to be an agitator & radical, who dared to ask questions, & hung out with 12 dudes & a prostitute. He asked us to give away all that we had & care for the sick & the poor. The day is celebrated by giving & receiving a bunch of stuff we don't need, & if we are lucky, we will actually like the gifts, but if not... they can be returned for cash.

Boxing Day & The Feast of St. Stephen- December 26th: Traditionally the day to give a gift to the servents, in modern times it is the biggest shopping day of the year. Saint Stephen, of course, was the first Christian to be stoned. I was named for him.

Kwanzaa- December 26th: It is not a religious holiday, unless you worship James Brown & Aretha Franklin, & I do. It is celebrated every year on December 26th. Kwanzaa means "first fruit of the harvest" in Swahili. It is a time to focus on the traditional African values of family. It is based upon the celebration of seven principles or beliefs called the Nguzo Saba & celebrate African-American heritage.

New Year's Eve- December 31st The celebration of the New Year is the oldest of all holidays. It was first observed in ancient Babylon (now called Iraq for reasons I don't understand) 4,000 years ago. Around 2000 BC, Babylonians celebrated the beginning of a new year on what is now March 23rd, because no one had a calendar. It wasn't until 153 BC that the Roman Senate declared January 1st to be the beginning of the new year. We now celebrate it as an excuse for adults to behave badly.


In the next year we will celebrate December 12, 2012: The End Of The World Day (not to be confused with The Rapture) The Mayan calendar is divided into 7 Ages of Man. The 4 epoch ended in August 1987 when I was in a dinner theatre production of The Fantasticks, as prophesised. The Mayan calendar comes to an end on Sunday, December 23, 2012. Only a few people will survive the catastrophe that ensues, which again, may involve dinner theatre. In the 5th age, humanity is to realize its spiritual destiny. In the 6th age, we will realize the God within ourselves, & in the 7th age we will become so spiritual that we will be telepathic (how will they handle to the Lottery?). I can't wait!


I now present to you, my dear readers, The Holiday Playlist 2011:
White Christmas- Bing Crosby
Silver Bells- Kate Smith
Sleigh Bells- K T Tungstall
Winter Wonderland- Leon Redbone
Let It Snow! Let It Snow Let It Snow!- Lena Horne
Christmas Wrapping- The Waitresses
(There's No Place Like) Home For The Holidays- Perry Como
Merry Christmas, Baby- Otis Redding
Here Comes Santa Clause- Doris Day
All Alone On Christmas- Darlene Love
Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree- Toby Keith
No Christmas For Me- Zee Avi
Christmas- Rogue Wave
Stuck At The Airport- Money Mark