I went shopping without a helmet.

And you could be like me too.  It's not that difficult.  Just do the following things in under 2 hours:

1. Bolt out of the house in order to steal an hour's solitude immediately following dinner.  
2. Purchase the book, "Everything Bad is Good for You".  Think about how you barely even need to read the book because the title is just so profound.  
3. Misplace your blackberry in the car
4. Misplace  your camera in the car
5. Misplace your wallet in the car.
6. Locate the blackberry, only to find that it has been sneakily uploading a photo from its photo library to your private facebook profile.  ON it's own. Without being asked.  (See fig 1. )
7. Hate the blackberry.  Glare at it, swear at it, take out its battery.  
8. Respond in a very witty manner to the "wtf??" types of comments over the photo that was uploaded.   
9. Be relieved that it didn't upload the photo of a ridiculously close close-up of your lips that you forgot to delete.
10. Furiously delete all embarrassing photos from the blackberry.
11. Buy some make up.   
12. Buy a house plant and cute little planter for said houseplant.  Name the plant,  Stanley.   
13. Set Stanly on the roof of the car while putting the other crap you bought into it.   
14. Drive away 
15. Remember about Stanley 
16. Worry about Stanley 
17. Pull over and feel so much relief that you didn't kill the plant 5 minutes after buying it.  Stanley had better get used to your tough-love method of plant rearing.  
18. Realize that you haven't so much pulled over as just blocked 86 cars behind you.
19. Get out and save the plant anyway.  
20. Buckle it in nice and safe. 
21. Point at people who look upset.  Make that face your mother makes. 
22. Arrive home
23. Take new things from bags
24. Notice that you bought the tester make up instead of new, sealed makeup.  Gross. (figure 2)
25. Contemplate keeping it anyway
26. Ugh.  Decide it's too disgusting to keep make up that strangers tested out on their disgusting, infected skins.  Plus it was $20.   
27. Oh super, you threw the receipt out already.
28. Oh super, you threw a diaper, a milk bag and some coffee grounds on top of it already.  You are the poster child for efficiency.
29. Oh super, you are now digging through the garbage can.
30. Gag 
31. Find receipt in coat pocket after all. 
32. Drop the bottle of tester makeup, break lid. 
33. Go into the bathroom and drop a bottle of Morroccan oil on bathroom floor.  (It's conditioner)
34. Slip in oil on the floor. 
35. Trip on your way down the stairs
36. Repot Stanley (figure 3)
37. Place broken lid/makeup on table with the receipt because tomorrow, you get to go back and tell them that you bought their tester and you want it replaced. 
38. Think of how you'll scold them for selling it to you and ruining your whole week if they so much as squeak when you present it to them.  Imagine yourself drunk and angry in their store, falling around yelling at people until they threaten to call the police.  Oh they would be more careful about selling tester make ups if THAT happened.   You mark my words, readers.

Here is the evidence:  

Figure 1:

I thought it was pretty insightful for my blackberry to add a caption.

 Figure 2:

$20 worth of bacteria.

 Figure 3:

Oh Stanley.  You're a good plant!  YES YOU ARE!   You're so good.  He already knows how to stay.