The Crazy Gypsy In My Soul

When you look into my eyes

& you see the crazy gypsy in my soul

it always comes as a surprise

when I feel my withered roots begin to grow.

Well I never had a place

that I could call my very own

but that's all right my love

cuz you're my home.

When you touch my weary head

& you tell me everything will be all right.

You say use my body for your bed

& my love will keep you warm throughout the night.

I have been collecting a list of songs that are so inane that hearing them hurts my teeth & smashes my good mood & my goodwill. Put the banlity, affected lyrics, effusive & gushing melodies, insipid point of view, & maudlin message in a musical blender & you will get something like You Light Up My Life, which shockingly won an Oscar for Best Song in 1976! The songwriter- Joe Brooks was later arrested for sexual assault right here in Portland. he should have been arrested for crimes against music listening humanity. It was however the perfect match of artist & material, with the lovely Debbie Boone doing the vocals.

This morning, returning home after the gym, I heard this early Billy Joel ditty & I was so dizzy from the yuckiness that I almost had to pull over the car. Don't get me wrong, I can really get behind some early Billy Joel... especially EARLY Billy Joel. While working at ASCAP in the 1970s, my job was to get through listening to as much music as fast as possible (& identify it correctly), but I would linger over New York State Of MInd whenever I came upon it. I found that tune to be a moving & brilliant new pop song with a strong nod to jazz standards from the 1940s & a hook that wouldn't quit. But listening to You're My Home just makes me feel like I mixed white wine with tequila followed by a castor oil chaser while picking up dog poop.

Can you think of a song that is more pure dreck to mire your listening pleasure?