National Coming Out Day 2009... My Story

I feel like I was never really IN the closet. I remember going to the main branch of the public library & reading everything, careful not to get caught, everything about homosexuality when I was 12 & 13. It was not good news; everything was “invert”, pervert, cures, pedophilia, etc. I remember telling myself that I wouldn’t be tragic. I would be popular in high school, I would date & go to proms, & nobody would know. I had decided that when I graduated from high school, I would move to San Francisco or NYC & find what I desired. I had some good role models; I thought that Noel Coward was leading a pretty swell life. I knew older gay guys from doing theatre that were cool & well adjusted & sexy & interesting. I know I was truly OUT to myself when I did summer stock in the summer of 1971 & had an affair with an older guy (an astonishing 24 year old…he was a college grad!) & I understood that this was what I wanted & where I wanted to be- in the arms of another man.

But, in the spirit of the day… I really completely came out 30 years ago, right now, when I realized that I would be spending my life with the man that I now call my Husband, I felt it necessary to COME OUT.

The Husband’s soon to be ex-wife was playing her hand in the drama of our becoming a couple & had announced that she was telling everyone, including our parents. My folks were (they are still with us, God love them) were busy professionals & it was difficult to get the 3 of us together. I requested a meeting with them & we found a time for the 3 of us (I am an only child) to sit down for dinner & a talk. I was so nervous all week. It felt like I was jumping off a cliff. We had dinner that Friday night & at the end of the meal, I said- “I have something important to tell you”. I was sick with anxiety. I swallowed hard & screwed my courage to the sticking place & said- “I have found the person that I am going to spend the rest of my life with. That person is a man & I love him beyond all reason. I am a gay man. This is my life. Please, don’t hate me, be happy for me. His love makes me so happy; happiness I thought I would never find.” I took a breath, sighed, & waited. My mother turned to me & said- “ HAVEN’T YOU ALL READY TOLD US THIS?” So much for the big drama. They said they always knew & that they were grateful that I had found R. They claimed that they hoped that this man would straighten me out & be a good & positive influence. My COMING OUT STORY & it is true. Check the photos … how could they have not known?