Why I should never listen to CBC Radio shows about SCiEncE.

Listening to the radio today, I heard that the Evil Scientists of Marketing to Greedy Bastards (ESMGB) have invented food printers, you guys.  Printers that print out extra super fancy food.  They are going to try and make us think that we can't live without them, too.   I just know they are.  Just like I feel as though I can't live without a tassimo... or a keurig because of the ESMGB's invisible brain-marketing campaign at the Walmarts.   I don't have any of those things, but I feel like the world is terribly unfair because of it.  Sure, I make awesome coffee in a regular coffee maker... but tassimos are the coffee of the future; and they are more wasteful, so there is that..

Oh God.  It's all happening too quickly.  I am becoming more paranoid about robots as the years march forward.  We are headed toward a dystopian future full of robots and unemployment; ruining our lives in a quest to make them easier.  I AM TELLING YOU. *heave*  

I even made a plan to deal with this while I was organizing my shoes today.  I'm going to become the leader of the Millennial Semi-Luddites and halt technological progress for a small group of sympathizers, while living in my forest of Tim Hortons and still getting to play The Sims.  We also still watch movies in a theatre.  That's right.  Semi-Luddite means I could be choosy about which kinds of technology to boycott.   Not ALL of it, you guys.  I don't want to live off the land or anything gross like that.   We will glare at CGI movies and follow around ipad users, making them kind of uncomfortable.  Ohhhh... how they'll feel uncomfortable.  Also, Flylady will still send me emails about what I should clean in my house and when because how am I supposed to know how to clean my house without directions in my email every day?  Everything will fall apart.  Yes... even Flylady can be in the Millennial Semi-Luddites.  But that's as far as it goes.

I can already see myself as a champion, fighting my cyborg printed grandchildren off with their gifts of robotic smart-hips and such.  I'll be such a character.  I'll shake my cane at them when I'm old and tell them that my macbook still works like a dream-come-true and I'll hoard old keybords once they've gone obsolete.   The cats that I will collect will shrivel and die under the mountains and mountains of keyboards.  SO MANY KEYBOARDS.   I'll build a giant fence around my Millennial Semi-Luddite compound out of them (the cats  keyboards, not the keyboards dead cats ). People will call me Masterelle... no... that sounds like toilet paper.  They'll call me New Oprah and bestow gifts of store bought crackers upon my feet as a Wednesday tribute, which is the day everyone stays in their pajamas. Pajama Cracker Tribute Wednesdays.  Some of New Oprah's favourite things are pajamas and store-bought crackers, made by the hands of illegal immigrants instead of a food printer.  Not supporting printer food allows them to provide for their little illegal immigrant families.  Those poor illegal immigrants can't afford a food printer.  Eventually, they will see that they have to join up with me.  I will be kind and just but also ruthless.  Crap.  All the imaginary power went to my head, already. I'm already imagining a crisis among my people.... someone snuck in a shoe-printer.   They must be hanged!  HANGED AS AN EXAMPLE to everyone else. 

Or maybe I shouldn't listen to CBC science radio shows ever again.  Ever.  Or organize my shoes.  Or run for politics. 

Mmmmm.

Really though, this technology hits a bit of a bitter spot.  How many  expensive gadgets do we need to spend hundreds/thousands of dollars on??  Is anyone else getting gadget fatigue?  If it were just for science, I get it.  I totally get making neat stuff... But the way it was presented on the radio today made it sound like "FINALLY WE WON'T HAVE TO MAKE OUR OWN FOOD!"  Like it's the last frontier of laziness and greed.  What a relief.  Apparently, here in rich-a'hole-land, our food is not fancy enough.  We are going to have to buy a machine to make it look MUCH fancier, because that, my friends, is what we totally deserve.   Never mind that people are actually still starving right this second.  I want to shell out more money so that a machine can crap out a fancy cracker with my face  sculpted on it.   Seems reasonable.   Let's work on the food-fanciness problem and forget that whole "other people starving" thingy".......  Let's start marketing food printers to everyone so they'll save up and buy one and not have enough money left over to donate to world food programs.  I hate us sometimes. 

In the Millennial Luddites, we'll feast only on ugly bread.   Sure, we used bread machines to make it... but that's totally different than *cough* food printers... *pulls collar*... *sweats*..... *shifty eyes*.....  Is it hot in here? 

Also, Neil is getting an ipad from work. I feel a little bit resentful toward the ipad.  Like it might attack me and make me get one, too.

I'll be keeping an eye on that i-pad.  EYE PAD.  Yeah, I said the joke you just thought of but were too embarrassed to say.  HA. 

HA. HA.  ha.

PS.  If you want to join my cult  group of friends The Millennial Semi-Luddites Club please mail me any spare keyboards you have laying around and 6 easy payments of $49.95.

PPS, I might have had to take some pain killers before I decided to write this dumb entry.