My neighbor tried to adopt Smarties the cat. Legally adopt her. She'd been missing for a couple of days, only for us to find out that she'd pranced into my neighbor's house and sat on her couch. Clearly that means karma wants her to steal my kids' kitten- certainly not that she's just a pea brained, idiot cat who has only been outside once before in her life. It's the universe.
What did my neighbor do when the friendly little kitty went into her house? Knock on our door? No. Of course she didn't She told us that she took her to the SPCA to fill out adoption papers. For our cat. To adopt her. Because she likes our cat and our cat likes her (grown) son. Uh-huh. So anyway, she took my cat to the SPCA only to discover that there is a 3 day waiting period on strays to allow the owners to claim them before they are put up for adoption. For MY cat!!
So we had to go to the SPCA to get her- for $108. MY cat that I did not take to the SPCA. This boggles my mind. She told me that she doesn't know what she's going to tell her (practically grown) daughter because she already told her (grown) kids that they could have my cat. Her daughter will be so very disappointed. Oh Golly, lady- let me give you my kids pet so that your grown children don't feel sad that they didn't get to steal our animal. I'd like to tell my kids that they can have her (grown) kids' bikes and maybe that nice big television. Because hey- my kids like big televisions AND bikes.
"Hey Pizza guy! Are you delivering to my neighbor's? Bring that Pizzaaaa this-a-way! I don't feel like cooking tonight!"
"Yeah, when your son left his hockey equipment on our lawn again, we went ahead and sold it on kjiji. We didn't even THINK of seeing if it belonged to you!"
"Could you tidy up your yard a little? We have a real estate agent coming by to show some people your house and we want to get a good price."
At least she was well looked after, I guess? I half expected to get her back wearing a homemade cat outfit care of my thoughtful neighbors. Her new name could be Winkers the performing kitty clown.
I feel like I should be on Judge Judy or something- or Jerry Springer. Fighting over the custody of Smarties. I bet Judge Judy wouldn't put up with this kind of bullshit. She never puts up with mean people. That Judge Judy is such a blessing. I even felt like throwing a chair yesterday- it would have made me feel much better. Maybe I still should- maybe I'll throw all of her patio chairs into my yard. I like patio chairs and so do my kids.
Not the least of my issue with it all is the SPCA holding MY cat ransom for fees incurred by this. They told me to borrow the money if I had to- just like kidnappers do- because if I didn't pay her ransom by Friday, she was going to be put up for adoption. MY %$#& CAT; and seeing as my neighbor had already filled out the paperwork, my cat would then legally belong to her.
Yep.
Anyhow. She's all legally readopted by us. So there. Now I just have to make sure none of my kids go into her yard. I've already won a custody battle for them. Maybe the next time they park in my parking space again, I'll just decide that I own their car and dammit, I can paint my own car with varnish and stick troll dolls all over it with a staple gun if I damned well please.
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