Look at these cans.

Ha. I can so can food. Take that, naysayers. Take that, people who refused to believe in my waterbath method of canning abilities. All of you people who said that I couldn't do it were soooooo WRONG. My jars are totally sealing and everything. I can hear the lids do that little pop thing that I loved to hear as a child adult child when my Mom was done canning stuff. Pop Pop Pop PoP pOp poP Wheeeeee!!!!! That's how you know the jars are sealed, dummies.

So anyhow, canning is a lot of work, I had no idea. Now that I've preserved all these tomatoes, I just want to lock them inside of an enclosed and impenetrable display and threaten the life of anyone who thinks they're going to open them and waste all of that work, unless they have submitted an appropriate 1000 word essay on how much they appreciate my cans.

What.

I'm totally Sally Homesquawker or whatever.