Two OH to the Eight.

So, two thousand and eight is pretty much over, in case you've been locked in a cellar somewhere and needed Capn' Obvious here to point it out for you. WELL, Nerdsquad. It is. So, I will do my obligatory year end maundering homily. I will paint the scene here in my mother's house for you just as it is this very minute. Hunker down, Nerdsquad. Hunker. Down.

Eleanore has just dumped her first plant onto the floor, my parents are watching 'Death at a Funeral' (which is one of the funniest movies EVER, Weirdies, I encourage you to watch it before the year is out) and I am in my pjs still. Blue and white striped cotton. Just ate a bowl of leftover turkey and sweet potatoes. I'm thinking about having some festive morning bailey's as we are in that post Christmas, Pre New Years fissure in reality where one is allowed to drink from the moment they get up in the morning. What? It's only until NEW YEARS, people. Then we can all go back to waiting until 11 am to sneak a drink. Huh? Everyone doesn't feel the same way? Bailey's doesn't really count anyway, Nerdsquad. Stop judging me.

Anyway, 2009, eh? When I was a kid it did not occur to me that the year would ever change to 2000. I remember having the surprising revelation that after 1999, there was going to be another year. ANOTHER YEAR? Surely we won't be living in such a time as TWO THOUSAND. Aliens would unquestionably come forth from the ground and hand out robotic pirate maids, because if everything remained the same as 1999, what kind of world would this even BE, Nerdsquad? I think I missed robot pirate maid day, though. Because in the year 2000, I had Elisabeth. I must have been hiding in my house as Pregnantzilla, glaring outside at those green bastards making all the noise with their noisy metal gifts. All I know is that everyone has a robot maid except me now, Dorkherd. It's highly partisan, I think. But that was AGES ago. I'm over it now.

Christmas was nice. We travelled to Alberta here to visit the fam. 'Course 5/6 of my family were barfing on the airplane/in the vehicle. But, we got here. You can tell because we contaiged(<--made that word UP) our flu to everyone in Western Canada. Now we're getting phone calls from people just 'letting us know' that they can't leave their bathrooms and they want us dead. Well they don't SAY that last part with their mouths, they punch the words in with the number pads on the phone, thinking that they're being sooOooooOo sneaky.

"Beeeeep beep beep Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep."

It's very foreboding. I'm pretty sure we should leave soon.

As I write this, my parents are trying to hatch a plan on how they can send home their 26 pound turkey with us. Maybe they could just buy it a plane ticket. Lord knows I'd need a stroller to get it through the airport. I'm not holding it on my lap on the plane, though. Neil will have to do that.

Anyhow, I've wandered astray. Back to the subject at hand, which was prattling about New Year's.

The biggest happenings for me in 2008 were winning custody of my kids, moving to Ottawa, going back to blonde, learning 2 flimsy self defense moves (well I'M flimsy, the moves might not be) and welcoming Miss Plant Terminator into my home. It' been an extremely eventful year and this is already a loooOooong post. So I've summed it all up to be efficient, Geek Parade. I won't go into further detail.

Now, Resolutions resolutions.

• I resolve to turn 30. BoOoooo. I CAN do it, though. I will do my best not to lie to everyone and tell them I am 24. Must. Not. be. a .coug. I will look people in the face and tell them I'm 30. THIRTY. EW.

• I'll stick it out at bootcamp. I'm not going to be out of shape if I have to resolve to be 30, damn't.

• Keep plugging away on that novel.

• Continue avoiding getting a physical dog. Because... Well because dogs are evil. But Libby wants one SooOOOOooooOOOOoo badly and has already named the imaginary dog. It's Shenanigans. Shenanigans the imaginary mini wiener dog. Frankly, it's getting creepy watching her take fresh air out for some fresh air. But a real dog NEEDS fresh air and I'll be the one providing it a solid 97% of the time. So. I'm torn. Maybe I could disguise the cat.

• Find a suitcase full of money. Y'know. For novel research. It's gonna happen. I'd also accept a suitcase full of legitimate large denominational casino chips because you can totally cash those in.
  

Yep. So that should hold you until the urge propels me to prattle on some more about whatever pops into my head, Nerdsquad. Have a Happy new year. I'm sure I'll tell you again.