What Ever Happened to a Cup O' Joe?

There have been many achievements that divide generations. It was indoor plumbing for my Grandparents and parents, it was cable TV and computers for my parents and me and it is Starbucks for my children and me.

Starbucks are everywhere. They are in malls, stores, business offices, dentist offices, high schools, college commons, train stations, airports, bus stops, suburban corners, city corners, and even on the corners where the prostitutes hang out. Poor prostitutes... having to compete now with Starbucks.

Yesterday we were at Target and my oldest daughter announced that she wanted to go buy a "Frapo." I had no idea what she was talking about. I am Starbucks illiterate. I can honestly say that I have never taken more than a sip or two of coffee. I just don't like the stuff-never have. My son then said he wanted a "Frapo" as well.

Eventually they explained to me that they wanted Frappuccinos from Starbucks. Ohhhhh-I understood. Well, really I did not understand because I could not figure out how they even knew what a Starbucks was let alone have a favorite drink from there. It must be that Starbucks that was recently placed in our Parish Hall at Church.

I stood in stunned silence as I watched my son go up to the "barrister" and order a "tall double chocolate chip frapo please." I was about to tell him to get a short one (because in Beer terms-something I know about-a tall is a large and a short is a smaller one. Coffee talk is apparently not as simple as beer talk.) My daughter then sauntered up to the counter and ordered a "Venti mocha frapo." Venti is large-or if you are Transilvanian it means "I vant you venti much."

I handed over a week's pay to the cashier, or excuse me, the barrister (and here I always thought a barrister was a person who practiced law in London) and my children happily drank their growth-stunting, heart attack inducing, 500 calorie drinks. It was a proud proud moment let me tell you.

I started reading the menu and realized that I had no idea what the hell they were talking about! Do they really sell coffee at Starbucks or are they just there to mock you? I don't know, but here are some of the things on the menu. I actually wrote them down and then flipped off the college girl who looked at me as if I were the stupidest person on the planet because I had no idea what a Macchiato was, let alone how to pronounce it.

I saw these words:
Breve
Chai
Con Panna
Demitasse
Doppio
Misto
Ristretto

They sounded like magical spells from the Italian Harry Potter. The only word I understood was "skinny."

What ever happened to the Icee and the Big Gulp from 7-11? Now those are drinks! Maybe they just need a fancy name in order to make a comeback. Next time I go into a 7-11 I am going to ask the cashier for a "tall red and blue low-fat with a doppio of purple." The impressive part is that I will do it all in Arabic.