I Have 48 Hours To Lose 25 Lbs...

Ack! I always do this to myself! I completely and totally set myself up to fail because I am the biggest procrastinator of all time.

Back in January, I decided that I needed to lose a little weight. I would have been thrilled with 15lbs, overjoyed with 12lbs, and thoroughly happy with 10lbs. To date I have lost 2lbs. Yes, just 2.

I have only lost 2lbs. because each and every single day since the start of Weight Gate, I will wake up and say "Tomorrow... I'll watch what I eat and work out tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow." I have no idea how I lost the 2 lbs. It was probably that bout of diarrhea I had yesterday morning... I am sure it will be back by mid afternoon.

I have always been a procrastinator. In school I would get an assignment to write a 40 page compare and contrast paper on the Death of a Salesman and Duece Bigalow and would be given 6 weeks to research and complete the paper. I would put it off for 5 weeks and 6 days until I would cry at my computer and pull an all nighter only to hand in a paper that is 29 pages triple spaced, 26 font, and with statements such as "Willy Loman and Deuce Bigalow share the similar love for poodles, but Willy likes toy poodles whereas Deuce likes a standard poodle."

I would skate by with a C-.

This may be the reason why our son was born at Walgreens. Of course I knew that labor and deliver would one day come... but I figured I had plenty of time to get batteries for the camcorder and film for the camera. So what if I was in active labor and the baby was starting to crown when I decided to drive myself to Walgreens. In the end everything worked out.

My husband hates that I am a procrastinator because he is the most disciplined and scheduled person I know. If it weren't for him, I would be saying things like "This year I am going to file my 1995 taxes! I am going to do it I promise!"

I can even foresee my procrastination. My husband will be heading overseas for a year this coming August. I have been telling myself that I will eat right and work out while he is gone so that he comes home to the new and improved me, when I really know what will happen. The first month that he is gone I will eat everything in sight. Then the second month I will be so disgusted with myself that I will eat to prove a point. I will probably gain 25 lbs in the first 6 months, which will take me the last 6 months to get rid of and I will weigh exactly the same the day he returns as I did the day he leaves. It is no use.

The problem with my no-weight loss is that in 2 weeks I am heading to the land of skinny people... also known as "my sister's house." I can look at myself and feel pretty good about the way I am rockin' this old body of mine until I stand next to my sisters. How I received all of my father's side of the family genes I do not know... Curse You Big Boned Ancestors (fists clenched in rage) Curse you!

Well, tomorrow I am going to get serious. I am going to cut out all carbs, all sugar, all things blue, all things red, yellow and green (I am talking about M&M's) and I will survive on lettuce and water. I will run 2.5 miles a day and I will even do kegel exercises (something I procrastinated with during pregnancy.) Oh, who am I kidding... I know that I will eat what I want this week thinking that I have next week to diet and then by the end of next week I will be in a van speeding down the highway and stopping at McDonald's every 3 hours for a Big Mac, large fry and a chocolate milkshake.

I wish I would procrastinate eating. I met a woman the other day who told me that she gets so busy that she FORGETS to eat. WHAT? How in the world can you forget to eat? I can see forgetting to put on underwear or forgetting to pick up your kids from school... but forgetting to eat? Crazy.

I can dream though... imagine how skinny I would be if I would say "Eat that cupcake? Maybe tomorrow I will eat that cupcake, or maybe next month... I promise to eat that cupcake before the year is up. Don't you believe me?"