Ahhhh, all toilets are flushing in the house today! There are no leaks to report and I have taken the yellow police tape off of the bathroom door so all can visit the commode at their leisure.
I bought a new tank the other morning from a man with the name of Bob (not Gomer or Bubba as predicted) and brought it home for my husband to install. I left for the evening because I am no dummy... handyman projects and this house do not mix well. Upon my return I saw the old tank sitting sadly in the garage as if it was being punished and I thought "Could it be? Did it actually happen? Was my handyman husband able to actually install the toilet tank?" I was excited beyond words... that was until I walked up the stairs and saw parts and pieces of toilet tank all over the floor as if there had been a toilet autopsy happening. Something bad had happened here, I could smell it in the air.
My husband declared "They gave us the wrong part! I cannot fit this black thingy in the hole and get the tank thingy on top of the bowl thingy to screw it together." OK, those weren't his exact words, but that is about all I could comprehend. Then he said it... the words that I KNEW would be next... he said the dreaded "You are going to have to go back to Toilet Tanks R US and tell them the gave us the wrong part!" UGH!
So the next morning I trekked back to the land of toilets and declared that we had the wrong part-my husband said so! They looked at the part, looked at me, and then said "Your husband who cracked the original tank by screwing the bolt too tight says that THIS is the wrong part?" I quietly took the part and backed my way out of there before Bob could catch his breath from his laughing seizure. Men... they think they are so funny.
When my husband came home I told him the news. "Sorry honey, you are not a toilet installer, although I know it is on your list of things to do before you turn 40, but this is the right part... you just need to do it again." But then I offered the only support I could muster and, in thinking that I wanted a fixed toilet AND a happy husband I said, "I am going to call expensive professional handyman tomorrow and have him come install it." I mean, let's face it folks, my husband is an intellect. He has beautifully manicured hands and his face is just so darn pretty that he was just not cut out to install toilets. This is a man who is always prepared-he collects napkins from fast food restaurant and puts them in my glove box "just in case" for goodness sake-he has too many other things to worry about than installing this toilet.
Well, God answered my prayers because as fate and luck would have it, there just so happened to be a contractor standing right across the street finishing up a remodeling job on our neighbors house. My quick thinking intellect husband decided to go ask for some advice. I watched out the window as my husband-the protector of all toilets in our house-woo'd the contractor. He complemented his truck, his work ethic, his talent of fixing things (a talent my husband so desires) and when all else failed... he offered him cold hard cash.
20 minutes later we had a fixed functioning toilet in the bathroom! The kids did a little happy dance-either to show their excitement that the toilet was fixed, or because they had been holding it for 3 straight days-not sure which. The most amazing part...the contractor would take no money. What a guy!
What is the moral of this story you ask? Well that is simple... anyone can fix a problem, you just have to realize what your talents are and use them wisely. Also, just because we spend a lot of time with our toilets, that does not make us professional toilet tank installers~ask for help when your bowl starts to overflow!
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