Um.. I think it's all non sequiters.

I made banana bread.  It’s pretty incredibly ugly and I don’t think it cooked all the way through.  It is currently resting on my stove.  It’s a quivering mass of cakey slime.  Maybe I put in too many chocolate chips. I don’t know, is that possible?  Readers?  Is that possible?  Is it possible to put so many chocolate chips in the batter that the cake refuses to bake?  The answer is no.  The problem is that my oven is being a wench.  AGAIN.  I’ve had it.

It looks like Jeff Goldblum's lips and spray tan. 

I’m growing a zit between my eyes that is making me look and feel like I’ve been hit in the face with a baseball bat.  No actual zit is evident, I just look like a Klingon from 1992.  Ok, face, what is with the zit thing going on lately?  Am I 31 or am I 13 (please say 13.  .  I have some things I need to fix.  Some people not to marry.  Etc.  Not that I was married when I was 13 or anything dumb like that.  No.. I waited until I was a genius 18 year old for THAT good idea).  Anyhow, the chin zit of 2011 just went away like yesterday.  Oh I thought it went away.  What it did was dig through my face to between my eyes and picked up friends along the way.  Like a big popular amoeba.

My lawyer called me today.  That was wicked fun, speaking of getting married when you’re still an idiot.

My kid needs a retainer because his front right adult tooth grew in behind his baby tooth.  Like a shark.  2nd row of teeth, which he thinks is the height of cool and all I see when I look at his teeth are little dollar signs, dancing toward the dentist in a conga line.  He had the ubiquitous baby tooth pulled yesteray while under the influence of nitrous oxide.  While he was high, he accidentally picked a sparkly ring from the prize box.  He didn't remember where the ring came from when he snapped out of it.  That's happened to me before. PS.  His Dentist has Gandalf's prop-staff from the Lord of the Rings in his office.  That's how I know it's a good dental practice:  he has a good staff.  OMG.  I am so sorry for that joke.  I am sorry sorry sorry.  I have a cold.  Cold medicine =puns.   Oh God.  Please don't unsubscribe now.

Archie the Ukulele arrived yesterday!  It took me about 15 minutes to master the chording... so... there will be a performance at some point this week when I figure out what song I want to play. I’ve also started a sock-o-money in my bedside table, because I’ve been drooling over a certain ukulele that MATCHES my ovation guitar.  The guitar is named Miju (michelle + junior).  So I will need to have Archie and Minimiju together at some point in my life.  It’s so cute I could  barf.  Winning the ukulele has given me a taste for ukuleles like when an animal tastes human flesh, only instead of me tasting human flesh, I got a ukulele.  See?  I don't eat people, Readers.  Not even a taste.

I am going to watch the Sopranos from beginning to end.  Every season of it.  I’ve never seen it, however I read the book, “Everything Bad is Good for You” yesterday and now I feel like my brain is never going to function at a genius level if I don’t watch the Sopranos from start to finish.  I'll be missing the key to scoring high enough on the IQ tests to get into Mensa and hang around with Geena Davis, talking about how dumb Watson the computer really is compared to me.  Plus I might finally be able to convince Neil to have a Klingon themed wedding one day.  Then I won't have to worry about this zit any more!   

Seems reasonable enough.

I'll let you know how it goes.