Fanta Claws

Speaking of romance and making ridiculous sacrifices or 'feats of love'... I just sent Neil to get stocking stuffers *hehehe* on Christmas EVE *hehehe* AND HE WENT *hehehehe*. Now I'm worried.

So anyway, it's Christmas Eve. The day all of our work to pull off the Great Christmas Lie comes to fruition. The day we give credit to Santa Claus for all of our planning and scrimping. We were wrapping gifts and deciding which things would be credited to Santa, but I get kind of grumpy about it. Like.. I know the cool stuff was on their Santa list, but I don't want that guy stealing all of my thunder, you know? So I like to pick a couple of mid-level awesome things that the old scab can claim were from him, but the rest are from US. Yeah, that's right. I'm better than Santa at our house, m'kay?

Saddamta Claus. Ha.

My daughter and I had a conversation about Santa. It went something like this:

Daughter: I am going to build a trap
Me: Oh?
Daughter: Yes. I have been good this year, so Santa will be coming- then I'm going to trap him
Me: This worries me.
Daughter: What do you think I should use? I'll use cookies for bait.
Me: Yeah, I suppose that cookies would be good bait- but guess what? Santa likes scotch. Just a wee dram. Most people don't know this.
Daughter: Scotch? Gross. Anyhow, when he comes down the chimney, I'll be waiting with a big bag to throw over him.
Me: Oh no, that wouldn't work.
Daughter: Why?
Me: because he can't get down the chimney until you're asleep.
Daughter: Well then, I'll hollow out the fireplace and put in a false floor. When he hits the floor, he'll end up in my pit.
Me: I don't think we're zoned for a pit.
Daughter: I'll put cookies in the pit.
Me: And scotch.
Daughter: Santa isn't real, is he?
Me: WHAT!?!? BUT HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET ANY PRESENTS, THEN? CHRISTMAS IS RUINED!!! AUUGUHHHHH!!!!
Daughter: I'm going to clean my room.
Me: What for? If there's no Santa, you don't even have to behave yourself anymore. What's the use? I'm going to toss out the tree.
Daughter: Mom.
Me: *sobbing*



Did I tell you that she's a genius? Probably I did, but I'll just go on and tell you again. She was invited to a college level cooking class at Le Cordon Bleu Culinary Arts School, because she took it upon herself one day in September to write them a letter, telling them to basically get ready for her to go to college there when she's done school. She's 10. It was amazing! Brilliant brilliant! And actually brilliant, not just that "mom bragging to the internet because her child is sentient" kind of brilliant. Brill.i.ant.

More later.