This Vacuum Love You Longtime.

They told me I can't vacuum for six weeks.  This is killing me.

Ok, so most people would be like, "Yay!  I can't vacuum!"

But I have a new dyson *imagine beautiful, twinkling xylophone music*  I got it just before we left for summer vacation.   Neil talked me into it.  My old vacuum bit the dust and I was ready to drop $70 max on a new one.  Then he just seemed so excited about a dyson (I know.  We don't get out a lot, alright?  We had oysters that one night, but otherwise we've been watching HBO reruns and downloading internet books for our exclusive entertainment). So I hummed and hawed and thouuuuuught about it and worrrrrrrried about it and then I found myself in the passenger seat of the car, falling in and out of consciousness, then a yellow dyson ball type of vacuum was being loaded into the back of the car, everything was spinning and then suddenly I was at home, unloading the vacuum and vacuuming with it. 

And it was like...  some kind of vacuuming miracle.  Shut up, it IS.  It's not even vacuuming, you guys... it's dysoning.  I dyson now.  I'm a really obnoxious vacuum snob now.  I'm like a mac AND dyson person now.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still incredibly awesome.....  I swear.  I'm not just like a stepford, Readers.  I still never do laundry on time and I drink beer and play poker and throw my wet towel on the bed sometimes....so... that counters my Stepfordwife-syndome.  Stop it.  You love my vacuuming story.  Look me in the eye:  YOU. LOVE. IT. 

Okay, so I love love love the dyson in a totally platonic-ish way.  It's like an alien vacuum.  It's like... a sci-fi vacuum that sucks the life out of my rugs/furniture/mattresses/cats/kids' hair... anything is fair game.  I have seriously weighed the pros and cons of vacuuming people who come to my door.  Just to... you know... see how much dirt comes out of them.   Plus, I'm usually desperate to find something else to vacuum once I've dysoned the bejeezus out of everything we own.   Everyone just has to understand.  

See?  Even Ro-Mon knows. 

 Anyhow, I am not allowed to vacuum until I have recovered fully from my surgeries.  That's right.  SurgerIES.  Plural.  I had three.  I also had a hernia in my stupid bellybutton and another one that I don't care to discuss here on the internet *wide serious eyes*  YES...  That bad.  Nevermind, YOU.   This is my blog and I can talk about my gross surgeries and awesome vacuum all I want.   Anyhow, the point is that now I don't get to dyson anything until mid October because the surgeon was very very clear on the fact that I am not to vacuum for six whole weeks.  Not even in high heels (I asked.  It might have made a difference.  You just stop judging me).  

This is my latest pair of vacuuming shoes. 

So we got a maid until then... a weekly one... and I forbade the maid from using my dyson.  IS THAT WRONG?  Aren't I worried about them getting the floor really extra clean with the dyson??  No I am not.  You know why?  Now this is extra pathetic:  Because I want extra dust to build up from them using their crappy maid-vacuums so that I can vacuum in October and see how much better my dyson is than theirs.

OMG, I am the lamest person EVER.  Ever.

Hurry up, October!!!!