My dreams were so much more fun before I had children... now I can't even get a moment's peace in my sleep!
The other night I was having a spectacular dream. Vince Vaughn was trying so hard to get my attention. He was flirting, he was handing out compliments, he was doing my laundry... and did I mention that I looked amazing (hey, I was asleep... I can't help it that my unconscious mind has not yet caught up with my conscious mind.) I had the type of long thick hair that you only see on Pantene commercials and I was skinny and tan. It was one of the best dreams of my life.
As the dream progressed, Vince was trying in vain to kiss me. He somehow kept missing my lips and ending up kissing my shoulder. It was weird.
This is where the children come in...
Every stinkin' time my dreams are starting to get good, one of my kids will some how just happen to saunter though the foreground, or they will come over and ask me for a light bulb or something. Then I go from amazing supermodel about to kiss Vince Vaughn to a slightly overweight mother with an elastic waistband and a "I Mother, Therefore I Am." sweatshirt.
I never end up kissing Vince Vaughn either because no matter who it is in my dreams, be it Vince, or Rob Estes, or Tom Cruise (I somehow forgive him for the whole "Scientology" thing in my dreams) they always morph into my husband Carl right before they finally plant that kiss that they have been trying all dream to do and I end up sitting at the kitchen table balancing our checkbook.
At least in my dream when I balance the checkbook I have long sexy flowing hair... that is until one of my kids comes in and cuts it off and I look down and I am pregnant again and my sister stops by for a cup of grass.
Like I said, my dreams were much more fun before I had kids.
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