Bill Gates Hates Me...

I think Microsoft is out to get me... and I may have brought this war upon myself. It seems that every time I am doing something of great importance on my computer, like writing my blog or making out my fantasy football roster, Microsoft will freeze up my screen and send me a little note that says "Tell Microsoft about this problem."

Long ago I used to ignore this prompt and not tell Microsoft about this problem. I didn't want to be sending error reports because I didn't want to be a computer narc. I didn't want to be a burden.

Now I send them those friggen' error reports several times a day. I am starting to think that the more error reports I send, the more errors I will have on my computer. It is a conspiracy I tell you.

I keep picturing a computer nerd, we'll call him Dwight, sitting at his big Microsoft computer at the Microsoft headquarters that are buried deep within the earth's core. Every time I send an error report he snorts, "Look! That June Cleaver woman who thinks she is so witty is sending me another error report! I'll show her!" and then Dwight sends me a vast array of errors to my computer so that he can picture me sitting at my little computer pulling my hair out. Dwight is evil!

Last night I had my revenge on old Dwight. My computer had to shut down my blog surfing enjoyment because I what? Was trying to click onto too many blogs about Britney Spears? Puleez! I clicked on the "X" button at the top right of my screen a good 100 times... so then I had to click on the "end program" button 100 times, which in return asked me if I wanted to send an error report to Microsoft (aka Dwight) 100 times. I clicked YES 100 times and sat feeling confident in the fact that if Dwight thought he was going to get home in time for dinner (and rest assured, Dwight's home is still with his mother and she was making his favorite meatloaf and jell-o) he was sorely mistaken. Dwight would be sitting at the earth's core for several more hours.

Today when I clicked my computer on it hummed happily and has done everything I have asked it to do. I have won this round with Microsoft, but I know that Dwight is out there waiting for me to get good and comfortable and start something very important like a chapter of my book where I will forget to save it every 30 seconds and Dwight will send me that error that causes all things that are not saved to be lost making me throw my computer across the room and then call my husband with a few choice words about how unfair life is and how it is somehow his fault!

Curse you Bill Gates! (shaking my fists in rage!) Curse you!