Stop looking at my Tortilla.

Are you Ready? Because Dum dada DUUUuuuUUm......

Tada.

The most unflattering photo of all time has been taken of me, thanks to Neil's photography skills and trained artist eye! Thanks Neil. Thanks.

So I went to a zombie themed dinner soiree dressed as a zombie-bitten surgical nurse, so what? Who doesn't do that sometimes? What do you think I do in my spare time? Huh? Scrapbook? Not likely. Not that I don't think your scrapbooks are really well glued or anything. It's just not my thing.

So anyway, there was some magical pink hummus there and I'll just let you know that it tasted pretty awesome, as you can see from this photo that Neil snapped of me enjoying it. I am working pretty hard here to get the entire tortilla shoved into my face without worrying too terribly much about my dignity. Surgical Zombie nurses don't have any dignity.... Don't want to miss any of it, there, Self. Good Job. (Thanks. ) (You're welcome)

Anyhow, since this is easily one of my most unflattering shots, including my post-partum Shuswap beach photo set of 2003, I slapped that baby up on facebook for everyone to admire. Since then, I've been going back to it and saying to myself, "Self," I say, "How much worse could this even be?" How much better? Time for some photosciencesorcery!" So I went to work, finding out some answers and here are my results:

How would I look if I was Kelly Clarkson in this photo of me with a brain-hummus tortilla chip hanging out of my face? Like a rockstar, pretty much. Nice corset, Self. Thanks, it's not really mine. Oh? Yeah, it's Kelly Clarkson's. Well it's pretty slimming. That's because it's a corset.. it has fake whale bones in it. Uh huh..uhuh....I see.... That's a tiny jacket, huh? *awkward silence* Yeah, Self. It's the style.

This photo almost exactly depicts the mood of the evening, if it had been a business stock-photo shoot, which is wasn't- so stop asking so many questions. Just back off, I'm trying to do something here.

Kewpie dolls are basically the cutest things you can get. Their webbed groins obviously don't even ruin their cuteness, because who's even looking, right? Not me....but this photo of my face even ruins Kewpie. Amazing, eh?

Totally even ruins a Jolie-Pitt baby. Unbelievable.

I think it kind of suits the Sarah Palin one. Spewing pink hummus/getting North Korea & South Korea confused. Whatevski. Oh hey- Sarah Palin/PARASAILIN' Get it? You just kind of mix up the letters there and you get "parasailin" from.... uh.. nevermind..

Can it even ruin Princess Leia's metal bikini? Hello. Yes it can. But who's looking at my tortilla anymore? Me. That's who. Gross. Stop it. Stop, I'm not even listening to you. *lalalalaaa*

This one actually isn't photoshopped. That's just me on my hope-mobile, wheelin' through a playground is all.

Kittens are cute, right? WRONG.




Well that was pretty fun. Try not to all fall in love with me at once. Take turns. Pace yourselves. Stay hydrated and all that.