Born On This Day- April 30th... Eunice M. Quedens

Eve Arden is one of the Husband’s favorite stars, & he introduced me to her most famous role with re-runs on TV. I was just a smidgen too young to have watched the 1st broadcasts of Our Miss Brooks, but watching them with him gave me even more appreciation for her considerable talents. I did have the pleasure of seeing Eve Arden in the title role in Hello, Dolly while I was doing summer stock on Cape Cod in the early 1970s. She was a terrific Dolly Levi.

I never met her, but I wanted to be her, or rather I wanted to receive a review that would claim- “Stephen Rutledge has the charm & the crack top timing of a male Eve Arden.” If my demented memory serves me right, I had a better chance at being compared to Kay Ballard.

Her 50 year career doing supporting & leading roles on stage, in films, radio & TV included an Oscar nomination for Mildred Pierce, but she is best remembered for playing the sardonic high school teacher in the classic Our Miss Brooks on radio & television, & to another generation as the Rydell High School principal in Grease & Grease 2. Ironically. she never finished high school, leaving at 16 to join a stock company.


Eve Arden had an approximately 30 second guest role in a 1955 I Love Lucy episode- L.A. at Last in which she played herself. While awaiting their food at The Brown Derby, Lucy & Ethel argue over whether a certain portrait on the wall is of Shelley Winters or Judy Holliday. Ethel decides to ask a lady sitting in the booth next to them, who replies: "Neither. That's Eve Arden." Ethel suddenly realizes she'd just been talking to Arden herself. As the star is leaving she is gawked by Lucy & Ethel. This same episode also guest starred William Holden.


Desilu Productions, was owned by Desi Arnaz & Lucille Ball, & was the production company for the Our Miss Brooks television show, which was filming during the same period as I Love Lucy. Ms. Ball & Ms. Arden were acquaintances, having worked together in Stage Door in 1937; it was Ball, who suggested Arden for the radio & TV versions of Our Miss Brooks.


Arden's comic talent & timing were absolute perfection for her best known role, Madison High School English teacher Connie Brooks in Our Miss Brooks. Arden portrayed the character on radio from 1948 to 1957, & on TV from 1952 to 1956, & in a 1956 feature film. Arden's character clashed with the school's principal, Osgood Conklin (Gale Gordon), & was burdened by an unrequited crush on fellow teacher Philip Boynton (Jeff Chandler, & on TV by Robert Rockwell).


Eve Arden was born Eunice M. Quedens in Mill Valley, California, & she made her Broadway in 1934 in the Ziegfeld Follies , & her last work was in Grease 2 in 1982. She chose her stage name while shopping for cosmetics & spotting the names Evening in Paris &  Elizabeth Arden. She was married to actor Brooks West for 32 years, until his death in 1984. Eve Arden passed away in 1990 at the age of 82. Happy Birthday, Eve!



"I've worked with a lot of great glamorous girls in movies and the theater. And I'll admit, I've often thought it would be wonderful to be a femme fatale. But then I'd always come back to thinking that if they only had what I've had - a family, real love, an anchor - they would have been so much happier during all the hours when the marquees and the floodlights are dark."

From The Post Apocalyptic Archives

Born On This Day- April 29th... Celeste Holm

I had a comment it the last 24 hours: “I look forward to reading you, but your posts can be rather verbose. I will try & keep it simple.


I met her once. It was really rather a thrill because I was a true fan, but as a musical queen, I was over the moon to meet the original Ado Annie from Oklahoma!. As a film smart, savvy young gay man My head was spinning to be meeting Karen, Margo Channing’s best friend in All About Eve, one of my very favorite films.


The occasion was being received back stage by Betty Garrett, after her one-woman show- Betty Garrett & Other Songs at the Westwood Playhouse in Spring 1976. Betty Garrett had been my acquaintance for quite a while, but we had recently been at a very informal outdoor dinner thrown by mutual friends. Betty & I had a very special conversation that evening that ended with Betty offering house seats to her show the next evening. I took her up on the offer, & the show was terrific, after her last number, but before the curtain call, Betty looked into the house with her hands shielding her eyes & announced while pointing : ”Celeste & Stephen… I want to see you both in my dressing room in a few minutes.” I turned to the person next to me & nudged & whispered- “That’s me… I'm Stephen, I’m not Celeste.”

So, Oscar winner & consummate character actor Celeste Home, & little curly-haired redheaded (I should have been preparing for my Annie Audition) Stephen hung out in the dressing room. While Betty Garrett got out of costume & make up, Celeste Holm & our hero made small talk & loudly praised Ms. Garrett’s show. I heaped praise on Celeste's stage performance in Mame, which I had adored in 1968. I declined an offer from the 2 amazing stars of Hollywood’s golden era to move on to the next party. Instead, I would opt for Studio One in West Hollywood, hoping that some hot man would shove that little brown bottle under my nose, the one that makes me feel so sexy & really connect with music… & I will meet a beefy redhead that will take me home, use me for my considerable talents & then make me breakfast. I came to the fork in the road, & I made the wrong decision. I could have partied away the evening with the woman who introduced the world to the showstopper- I Can't Say No (by coincidence, the title of a chapter in my memoir), but I took the fork that might have gotten me forked.


Celeste, I was dense, I was callow, I was young. I was thinking with my dick. I apologize. Ask me again, I will devote a date to you & Betty. Take me up on my offer. Happy 93rd birthday! You outlived the entire cast of All About Eve. You are still one hot number!

Celeste Holm tells this story: She was nominated for an Oscar for a film she made with Loretta Young- Come To The Stable, in which they played, of course... NUNS! Loretta had become quite pious after having given birth to Clark Gable's love child (talk about virgin birth... she then adopts her own daughter) & Loretta Young announced to the cast & crew that there would no swearing or strong language on the set. Miss Young had set up a penalty box. If someone should slip up & use a Goddamn or shit, they would need to put a nickle in the box, with the proceeds going to a Vatican charity at the end of the shoot. Celeste's good friend Ethel Merman stopped by the set to visit. Ethel took a 10 dollar bill out of her purse & slipped it into the Curse Box & loudly proclaimed- "There you go Loretta. Now you can go fuck yourself". I told this story to a group of 20-10 year olds that I supervise. Not a single one knew of Celeste Holm, Loretta Young, Ethel Merman, or All About Eve. I hate getting old.



She also relates: "I walked onto the set of All About Eve on the first day and said, 'Good Morning,'  to Miss Bette Davis, & do you know her reply? She said, 'Oh shit, good manners'. I never spoke to her again ... ever."

Celeste Holm lives in her native NYC. She married 5 times; she married her current husband, opera singer Frank Basile, on April 29, 2004, her 87th birthday. Celeste turns an astonishing 93 today.

Dreamboat

He died too youg. Eddie Cochran was a guitar master who perished when the a private hire Ford Consul, hired in Bristol, crashed into a lamp post. Cochran was riding in with Gene Vincent. Vincent survived. The world lost a great one. 50 years ago today.

Dear Self

Here's a handy tip: Yesterday's cold coffee goes down the drain and not into the coffee maker's fresh water receptacle. Have fun cleaning it out since you turned it on in your simpleminded stupor and let it singe the coffee into burned coffee mud in the bottom of the incredibly difficult to clean, made-for-water-only boiler.

Thanks. Smells awesome.

Love Self.

PS. You look like hell today. Do your hair.

PSS. Why would I do my hair? because headscarves.

PSSS.. Headscarves, Self? I suppose you're wearing jogging pants, too.

PSSSS... Uh... it's LAUNDRY day.

PSSSSS. Flylady.com says that you should get dressed to your shoes EVERY DAY.

PPPPPPS. We gave up on flylady, remember?

PSPSPSssS.. What's on the toast? Peanut Butter?

PssPPpsppPP... Yep.

PpppPSSSSSSS. Gimme a bite.

From The Post Apacalyptic Bohemian Archives

Grease 2 or Nine?

During my recent convalescence, I was able to accomplish some major TV watching. I caught up on favorite shows that had been DVR-ed, caught some Ellen, & took a chance on most anything on LOGO or HGTV. But what is more fun that channel surfing? The other afternoon, the roulette wheel of the channel remote brought me to The Age Of Innocence, which is my favorite Scorsese flick. This film really haunts me. The stars had real chemistry. Daniel Day Lewis & Michele Pfeiffer are 2 of my favorite film actors… I love him & I would switch for her.




*Favorite Daniel Day Lewis role: A Room With A View (which is my favorite film)
*Favorite Michele Pfeiffer role: The Fabulous Baker Boys

They are peerless actors, consummate professionals, & they are perfect examples of how to look when you are in your 50s. Today is their shared birthday. Day Lewis turns 53 & Ms. Pfeiffer becomes a ravishingly beautiful 52.

"It's Awful Hard To Bare..."

When I was a little baby queer, my mother dropped me off, all on my own, at Spokane’s Post Theatre for the Saturday 1st matinee showing of the movie version of the Broadway hit- Bye Bye Birdie. I was gobsmacked & have never recovered. The very next day, after church, I set up my room’s summer window fan in the bathroom as a wind machine, & sang the title song in the manner of Ann-Margaret, moving closer to the bathroom mirror & pulling back to gain the effect of the camera work. I was especially adept at having the little catch in my voice, just like the 22 year old star of the movie. I can still do it today, although I no longer have hair to be blown around & flounce.





Anne-Margaret has worked in 75+ films & has received 2 Oscar Nominations, for Carnal Knowledge (1971) & Tommy (1975). She has won 5 Golden Globe Awards, 2 Grammy Awards, a Screen Actors Guild Award, & 5 Emmy Awards.

She was born in Sweden, on this very day in 1941 & moved with her family to Chicago when she was 6 years old. She was discovered by George Burns, who put her in his nightclub act. She had a passionate affair with Elvis while filming Viva Las Vegas. In 1972 she survived a dramatic fall from a concert stage in Lake Tahoe that shattered her face & left her in a coma. She fought back through tedious reconstructive surgeries & convalescence. Within a year she was back on stage. Anne-Margaret: "I really believed I was spared by God in 1972 because I had so much to do," She has been married to Roger Smith, known for his hit series 77 Sunset Strip & her manager, for 43 years.

She is my kind of entertainer: nightclubs, Vegas, films, TV, & stage. She turns 69 today & she still keeps working. Ann-Margret was a guest star in an episode of Law & Order: SVU just last month. I have been so inspired by this beautiful & talented lady, that I have a chapter in my memoir- Jockstraps & Vicodin, titled Kitten With A Whip.

Born On This Day- April 28th... Cabaret Great- Blossom Margrete Dearie

I am going to become a recluse. I can feel it coming on. Under the new austerity program, I have to diminish my participation in 2 of my favorite activities: cocktail sipping & shopping, & I look so damn feeble, I figure… why not just stay home? I think I am going to spend the summer at Post Apocalyptic Bohemia, receiving only the occasional guest, although I would love for any of you stop by for a glass of wine or a libation in the garden.



On the positive side, I am taking on the monumental project of dealing with my CD collection. The husband recently moved an extraordinary piece- a 15 foot long merchant's table with 20 drawers, European pine from the early 19th century, from the den to his studio. This major piece of furniture has long been the home to my music collection. I have decided that since I deal with mostly downloads in the new century, I would move the CDs into storage in my dressing room & free up the many drawers for his art supplies & found objects.


I like to look at each CD & think about why it is the collection & what it means to me, why the artists matters, & what moved me about the music in the first place... or else it goes.


Today is the birthday of a wonderful artist from my collection that was famous for being a bit of a recluse & guarding her privacy. I saw her perform at NYC's Danny’s Skylight Lounge, a number of times in the mid-1970s, at the very apex of her talent.

Singer, pianist & songwriter with an independent spirit, Blossom Dearie had a career that blurred the line between jazz & cabaret. An interpretive minimalist with caviar taste in songs, she rarely raised her sly voice, & she confided song lyrics in a playful style with layers of insinuation. But, just under her fey mask was a needling wit. It brought a breezy sophistication to all of her songs. If you listen closely, you can hear the caustic contempt she brings to her signature song- I’m Hip by Portland’s very own- Dave Frishberg. Mr. Frishberg wrote another of her classics- Peel Me a Grape.




All 6 of her albums on Verve- Blossom Dearie (1956), Give Him the Ooh-La-La (1957), Once Upon a Summertime (1958), Sings Comden & Green (1959), My Gentleman Friend (1959) & Soubrette Sings Broadway Hit Songs(1960) are cult classics. Check out the Vereve remix albums with the Brazylian Girls remix Blossom Dearie - doing Just One of Those Things. The last song Ms. Dearie recorded was -It’s All Right to Be Afraid, a comforting ballad dedicated to the victims & survivors of 9/11.


The jazz pixie with a little girl voice with a bit squeakiness & pageboy haircut was a fixture in New York for decades, she died last year in her Greenwich Village apartment of 50 years. She was 84.

WTF... The Max Train Chronicles, #2 In A Series

I couldn’t quite see them when they got on, but I could smell them & I could hear them. Everyone on the train could hear them. One of them had to have been a graduate of the culinary program at Charles Manson Junior College, & the other appeared to have the charming moniker –Dirt Devil.

The charming couple boarded the train & sat directly behind me. I am not a prude, not in any way. “Cocksuckingmotherfucker” flows easily from my tongue, but I don’t think the use of bad language on public transportation is appropriate. Every 5th word out of these 2 was- “fuckin”. I wince at all the swear words around the older people & the little kids, & it just is bad MAX train etiquette.


Charles Manson: “Fuck, man… where is it that I fuckin’ know you from, man?
Dirt Devil: “Fuck, dude! It was when we was both hitchhiking out on fuckin’ 26, trying to get to the fuckin’ ocean. Fuck!”
Charles Manson: “Yeah! Fuck! Yeah! I remember, now. Shit. Fuck. I was so high on that fuckin’ weed you had. Fuck.”
Dirt Devil: “Yeah. Fuck. When I got to the ocean, I got fuckin’ arrested within minutes.”
Charles Manson: “Fuck! Every time I cross a fuckin’ state line, I gotta fuckin’ register as a fuckin’ terrorist.”
Dirt Devil: “Fuck! Why is that, dude?”
Charles Manson: “Man, I am in the fuckin’ Aryan Nations, & because of fuckin’ George W, Fuckin’ Bush, I am considered a fuckin’ terrorist & I gotta register like I am a fuckin’ Sex Offender. Fuck that shit. Fuck!”
Dirt Devil: “That’s fucked!”
Charles Manson: “This country is fucked up! Next stop that has a store with cheap beer, we are gonna fuckin’ get off & get us some fuckin’ beer. I got some tight fuckin' weed too.
Dirt Devil: “I ain’t no fuckin’ money, man.”
Charles Manson. (laughing) "Just cause we ain't got no fuckin’ money, don’t mean we can’t get no fuckin’ beer. Fuckin’ right?”
Dirt Devil: (laughing) Fuck!”

They start to disembark. I am relieved.
Charles Manson: (to me) “Fuck! You don’t believe me, do you? Just look up fuckin’ law #31311. That’s right. The government is watching fuckin’ everybody, even you, fucker...& they make you register. It is a fucked up fuckin’ country.”
Stephen: (with Paul Rudnick book & man purse): "Fuckin’ right. Fuck?"
They leave the train.

The Battle Of The Bulge

If you don't mind reading, getting a buzz on, or male bulges in Spandex, Portland is all about Books, Beer & Bikes. In any other city a "BIKER" would be a dude who rides a motorcycle & wears leather. Not in Portland.

Welcome Back, Steve!

After this post, I will give up on the subject, but because of the very helpful information, good humor, & best wishes from fellow bloggers & readers, I wanted to give one last Health Update, at least until the next catastrophe, disease, condition or incident. 3 weeks ago, a visit to the ER gave me a diagnosis of DVT (Deep Venous Thrombosis), a serious & dangerous condition of a massive blood clot in my leg. I had been treated with medications including a twice daily injection, administered by the beleaguered Husband. This was to be for 10 days, but lasted 18. I am happy to have given up the 2 visits a day from the little prick.


I still have 3 blood draws a week. I am still able to work on overcoming my fear of syringes & needles. I am on 6 medications. They look so darling all lined up in my special spot in the bathroom. I will be on Coumadin for the rest of my life & I am getting B12 shots (more needles!) twice a week. The physician claims it will take another 12 weeks for the clot to dissolve. I have a directive to the HR department of my company: I am to only be on my feet 2 hours a day & to have my foot elevated while working at my desk, no easy assignment. I also have the delight of wearing a special compression stocking. I am still ordered by my physician (who is from Vietnam & appears to be 14 years old), to spend as much time as possible on my back, with my legs up in the air. Has he been reading my diary?

This is my aesthetically pleasing, yet scary clinic, conveniently located in NoPo, on the MAX line

Because I am at heart, very shallow. I am now quite sad that in just a month, I have gone from being a man that people would declare- “Oh, you could not possibly be that old…you seem so young”, from regular gym-goer, from being in tune to the latest trends, to looking good & feeling confident... to now being perceived as Wilford Brimley’s stand-in.

I returned to work last week. My company provides a parking place in the underground parking of the office tower that I work in. To save on leg strain I was driving each day, but this is my 3rd day of returning to commuting by the MAX train to Downtown Portland. I had forgotten just how fun public transportation can be.

I am just short of needing professional help for OCD. I do have alphabetized CDs, categorized books & a color coded closet (darks to lights, solids to patterns, on wooden hangers facing the same direction). I am a bit compulsive about getting “my seat” on the train. It is at the forward section of the first car & is the only single seat on the MAX, guaranteeing absolution from the stinky, the talking to themselves & twitching set, & the loud cell phone users, & the teenagers. I become aggravated & anxious if I don’t get this seat. I almost always have a good chance of snagging it, being only the 2nd stop from the start of the line.

This morning my favorite seat was available, & despite being infirmed, I pushed through & tripped up other passengers to nab it. Safely settled in, & pulling out my book (I Shudder by Paul Runick) & Ipod from the murse, I felt a sense of relief until I saw her out of the corner of my eye. Despite the train being fairly wide open, she chose to sit right across the aisle from me. She arranged her things, including a saddle bag sized purse, whipped out her cell & announced to her caller that she "was leaving her no good man because she caught him smoking crack with that whore". I adjusted the volume on my Ipod. She then took off her shoes, hiked her skirt up, reached in her bag for the giant bottle of goo purchased at Costco & proceeded to moisturize or feet…for the entire trip.

They have this place called Starbucks in the Square. Ever heard of it?

My stop is Pioneer Courthouse Square. The Square was a gift to Portland on the city's birthday in April 6, 1984. Citizens of Portland were encouraged to donate personal bricks to the project. The City of Portland was aiming to build a social center. As the project grew, the area was flooded with investors looking to develop around the Square, making it the heart of downtown. The Square is nicknamed by the city – Portland’s Living Room, which it truly is, if your living room is populated with black clad anarchists with their ubiquitous pit bulls, passed out transients, Clear reps, scrubbed clean Scientologists with clipboards offering personality tests, crappy guitar players & screaming religious fanatics. It is like a living room actually… we had the same scene in our front room last week, for the Husband’s birthday party.

I am sharing a few photos of my return to my commuting routine.

From The Post Apocalyptic Archives

Happy Birthday, Andy Bell!

Seattle,1986-2001, we lived in a former houseboat that had been brought up the 5 blocks from the Lake Union waterfront & plunked down on cinderblocks to be a “mother-in-law” unit for the big manor house behind us. Our little Wallingford neighborhood cottage was just 750 square feet. We climbed a ladder into the bedroom crafted in the rafters of the garage (the ultime Boys' Fort), which became the Husband’s studio.The cottage had 2 rooms: The Room & The Other Room. It was our home for 15 years, even though shockingly, we were renters. We planted a huge garden, built decks & outdoor rooms & added new doors & windows to this highly funky abode, all with the blessings & help from our landlord neighbors & dear friends- Robert & Margo.

On a warm summer day, I would open every door & every window & the cottage would become an outdoor pavilion. I can tell you for certain, on those afternoons, I would be blasting Erasure on the stereo system. I love a day off in the summer with some great gay music playing really loud, allowing me to sing along & dance for the enjoyment of neighbors & passerbys. (The photos are of the Seattle cottage circa late 1990s. You can click on an image to enlarge)


In 1984, Andy Bell responded to a newspaper ad searching for a singer for a new band. That band would become Erasure, with just 2 core members Vince Clarke (of Depeche Mode & Yaz), & our birthday boy- Andy Bell. Erasure would sell more than 20 million records of their synth-pop dance music.


Beside Andy’s work with Erasure, he has taken part in numerous charity recordings including a cover of Cole Porter's Too Darn Hot, that was included in 1990s Red Hot + Blue album to raise funds for HIV research. Bell also performed on the True Colors Tour 2008. He released a solo album- Electric Blue in 2005 & has a new album out next month- Non Stop. It features a duet with Jane's Addiction's Perry Farrell, a long time fan of Bell's. Produced by Pascal Gabriel (who has worked with Debbie Harry & Little Boots), Non Stop finds Bell in a glam side of his persona, purposefully changing his vocal register to produce a more soulful tone. The first single- Will You Be There? is now available on iTunes.

He has a long time partner - Paul J. Hickey. Bell is a practitioner of reiki. Bell has been HIV-positive since 1998. I have all his music & I think he is pretty swell. he turns 46 today.

Quote Of The Day

"Who are you to refuse my sugar?"

Viktor Komarovsky in Doctor Zhivago

Born On This Day- April 25th... Swingin' Ella

I think I know such an awful lot about the Great American Songbook, & then I will be introduced to some gem that has eluded me for decades. This winter, my friend- Little Jake brought me When I Get Low, I Get High, as sung by Ella Fitzgerald. He had thought the lyric was-“when I get HOME, I get high”, which Little Jake thought would have special relevance for me. I didn’t know this Harlem High Life tune, but now it is a favorite. Nice to have something old that is something new.



Certain artists just seem to reach through the restraints of listeners & fans of specific genres. It doesn’t make a difference if the bulk of your music collection is Heavy Metal, Rock, old style R&B, Funk, Hip Hop, Gospel, Show Tunes, Folk, Opera, or Symphonic Music; every music aficionado always has, at the very least, the Greatest Hits package of Patsy Cline, Aretha Franklin, & Ella Fitzgerald.

She was in my parents’ album collection & I remember hearing her from the earliest age. She possessed a true diversity in range & style, & a pure voice. She started as a swing singer, did bebop, perfected scat & jazz, but she sang modern songs as well as classics, plus Blues, Bossa Nova, Gospel, Calypso, & Christmas carols, She covered Cream’s Sunshine Of Your Love with as much skill & feeling as she did songs by Cole Porter. She could sing with a full orchestra, a band, a trio, or just with a guitar."


I am decidedly not into scat, it even says so on my Manhunt profile, but her scat is simply magnificent. She obviously made it up as she went along, & never stumbled, never repeated, & never became monotonous.


Johnny Mathis: “She was the best there ever was. Amongst all of us who sing, she was the best.” From her early days on Harlem streets to the adoration of all other top musicians, Ella Fitzgerald gave us 58 years of music, & with13 Grammys & 50+ million records sold; she remains, undeniably, the First Lady of Song. My favorite Ella recording I would have to be How High The Moon.

Dear Subscribers

You rock! Thanks for the subs, eh. :)

Me.

P.S. This is a photo of my Great Grandmother, Sammy. Isn't she awesome?

Where Did Everyone Go?

It wasn’t my intention to eavesdrop,

But there a guy sat, 2 stools away,

& you could tell the bartender knew him

& that he had been there some other day.

& while I sipped my libation,

I overheard his conversation:

Remember

How I’d walk in,

What excitement there would be?

Never less than 20 people,

I had lots of friends, you see.

I gave the party, I was the host.

Everyone loved me,

I was the most.

Champagne & plenty of it,

Real imported caviar,

& the hat check girl got 50

Just for lighting my cigar.

I kept them laughing, jokes by the yard.

Everyone loved me,

I was a card.

But nothing lasts forever,

& the deepest well runs dry.

Just cause I’ve stopped rolling 7s

Doesn’t mean I have to cry.

I’ll take that nightcap,

One more won’t show.

& incidentally, maybe you know...

Where, oh, where, oh, where

Did everyone go?

Where, oh, where, oh, where

Did everyone go?

Jimmy Van Heusen

1960

Words To Live By

Buster Crabbe, Johnny Weissmuller, Herman Brix & Glenn Morris

"The secret of life is to have a task, something you devote your entire life to, something you bring everything to, every minute of the day for the rest of your life. & the most important thing is, it must be something you cannot possibly do.”

Henry Moore

Babs & Shirl... A Kooky Love Story

Was I kooky when I was young? I know that I love a kooky old person, hell…I am a kooky old person. When I was younger & I met someone with that kind of kooky personality, I knewthat when I grew old, I could look forward to being able to have 12 dogs, & drink Champagne for breakfast, the kind of things you are not supposed to do when you are younger. When you’re as old as I am, people say “oh, Steve hasn’t got much longer to live, let him have some fun” which is really quite depressing when you think about it. When I younger they would say “he is surrounded by canines & he drinks too much!” which is a bit sad too. Anyway, as I grow old, I want to be thought of as kooky.

Barbra & Shirley are 2 kooky dames. They share a birthday. Really. They spend every birthday together & have for more than 40 years. I wish I could be the Brenda Vaccaro fly on that wall at that party.




She took me down the Stony End, I never wanted to go down the Stony End, but she took me down. I liked Barbra Streisand best when she was “Simply Barbra” with Egyptian eyeliner, the bobbed hair, the thrift shop clothing, & the refreshingly kooky delivery & demeanor. She was a true original, before she let Jon Peters give her an afro, record Bowie covers & star in a Star Is Born. Still, she has had a remarkable & long career, & possesses one the greatest vocal instruments in the history of pop music. I think she is a strong director, with the actors in her films often earning Oscar nominations.


This year, now in her late 60s, she actually knocked Madonna & Mariah off the top of the charts. She is the only artist to win Oscars for acting & songwriting. Streisand has received an Oscar, Tony, Emmy, Grammy, Golden Globe, Cable Ace, Peabody Award, & the American Film Institute's Life Achievement Award. The winner of multiple Grammy Awards, Streisand has sold millions of records, 50 of them gold & 30 platinum. She is also the only artist to have Billboard #1 albums spanning 5 decades.

My favorite Streisand performance was in What's Up Doc?, one of the most perfect movies I can think of. My favorite album, outside of of her earliest recordings, is The Broadway Album, a nearly perfect album.

Shirley Maclaine is convinced her pet dog can communicate with her. The star owns 11 other canines but insists her relationship with rat terrier Terry is so unique, dog & owner understand one another. She says, “I talk to her & she answers me. I have serious discussions with her & I’m convinced that on some level she really listens. “She is selective about the questions she answers, though. For instance, she likes the question, ‘What shall we do next in the kitchen?’ Other questions she just thinks are a waste of time.”


She was named after Shirley Temple & grew up in Virginia with her brother Warren Beatty. She does it all: nightclubs, films & theater actress, dancer, activist, & author.


When Carol Haney broke her ankle during the run of the Broadway musical- Pajama Game, her understudy- Shirley went on for her & became a star. She has been making films since Hitchcock’s The Trouble With Harry in 1955. When lost the Academy Award (her 2nd Oscar nomination) for her performance in Billy Wilder’s The Apartment, MacLaine said, "I thought I would win for The Apartment, but then Elizabeth Taylor had a tracheotomy". She finally won the Oscar for Terms Of Endearment, of course, but my favorite MacLaine role was as a thinly disguised Debbie Reynolds in Postcards From The Edge. I like that she continues to work.




Happy Birthday to both these talented broads!

The holy math proof is in my kool aid.

What? I'm supposed to be filling out 23479210573 forms instead of writing a really dumb blog? Huh? I haven't had any inspiration until the very second that these 'forms' became my project of the day? But..

Never mind those silly forms, you. Here is what is important today: Spiritual figures like the Popes and Oprah etc magically appearing on things like waffles and then observant, flimflammers citizens like me getting rich as a result. Because Ebay.

As you can probably imagine, I was pretty surprised when my daughter was making cherry kool-aid[1] last night and found a startling image in the bottom of the juice pitcher just before adding a thousand cups of refined, white sugar. Taken aback, we rushed outside to document this important event and I came to realize that if I hadn't become so entrenched in the many values of mixing FD&C Red No. 40 with sugar, I may never have had the moving experience of beholding this holy sight:

I want you to pause for a moment and really let it soak in. Let it wash over you. Just take a rest before moving on and breathe deeply.....

Okay.

Probably right now, your mind is reeling in amazement and you're like, "Is that.. no... could it be? But that's impossibly miraculous.... I think it might be....Yes... It's clear now that my eyes have adjusted to the virtuous light of my computer monitor or mobile Internet device.... I'd know it anywhere... I've seen that face in my dreams. I've seen it all around me. In the darkest nights and at the most beautiful dawn. It's the humble visage of none other than the sterling, Dr Phil McGraw in the red, silty koolaid mud powder of that dollar store pitcher!" And you rub your eyes with your fists in tiny circles and smile to yourself.

Yes. It is- and I have some corroborating evidence and diagrams to prove it. Lots Two of them. First, a visual aid:

See? Which is which? Dr Phil Twins? Camera 1... Camera 2... Camera 1 again.... And 2. Same. Let's go back to the left... and now the right.... Which is better? One on the left... oooor two? It would be like an animation if there were any difference between the two photos at all.

But maybe you're not so good at finding patterns and you need to see some diagrams? Maybe you don't rely on your poor, human eyesight and faith in Dr Phil alone- you're a soldier of science and you need to see a chart. I'm pretty awesome at mathing up charts and I'm a firm believer in backing up scientific claims and probable theories with proof via geometry and quadratics etc. In layman's terms, I think this venn diagram I've made around the transcendent Dr Phil outlines my point here pretty succinctly:

You see? They're all related. Not like family, dummy. Related as in homologous (*snicker*).

But what does this conclusive proof all mean? What is the message Dr Phil is sending us through my kool aid? Rest assured that I have the answer, and here it comes:

It's better to just watch the Dr Phil Show rerun if it's all that is on TV than to go outside and be mauled to death by badgers.

*X Files Music*

So, Zealots? Who wants to purchase a tshirt?

[1]Tangent: Yah. I totally give my kids kool-aid and it's neither healthy NOR organic. Those cults just gave it a bad rap. What's it to you, Hipsters? Eh? What could go wrong? My point is that it was on sale for $0.24 a packet & cheap overrules healthy sometimes. Besides, my mother gave me kool-aid all the time and the sugar did zero damage to my complicated and labyrinthine mind. In fact, I have my suspicions that it might have made me even more geniusly-enabled than I had originally been slated to become on God's little-giant list of people who are revolutionary. So back off, kool-aid haters. This is the good work. Fight the power. Besides, kool-aid now contains vitamin C supplements. Healthy AND Kool.

(There are a lot of really boring forms, okay? Seriously, I'm a smarter person than this)

Frozen Assets

What is with Iceland? Lately, the zany country has given us Eyjafjallajökull volcano, Bjork, Foxy lesbian Prime Minister- Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir & our birthday boy- Jón Þór Birgisson. Jónsi turns 35 today. He looks like he would fit right into the Portland scene; the quintessential Portland gay guy comes equipped with the ubiquitous knit hat.

Jón "Jónsi" Þór Birgisson is perhaps best known for his innovative work with Sigur Ros. For 16 years, Jónsi sang in the group's nonsensical "Hopelandic" language (the lyric sheet in the liner notes were left blank so the listener could fill in their own meaning), pairing his un-worldly falsetto with the band's dreamy experimental orchestral compositions.

Sigur Ros is on hiatus, with members of the collective busy raising children. Jónsi has gone solo or collaborating with his American partner, Alex Somers, most recently on their dreamy 2009 album- Riceboy Sleeps.

This week, this gay young man, in the dude-dominated realm of indie rock, released his solo album-Go, with tunes by Alex, & classical composer, Nico Muhly. Jónsi's solo work is a stark turn from his work with Sigur Ros, with his own peculiar brand of pop music. I love the single- Go Do, & I included it on the Husband’s Birthday Mix.

Born On This Day- April 23rd... The Bard Of Stratford- William Shakespeare

More has been written about William Shakespeare than any other writer, & it is still being debated whether Shakespeare was Shakespeare. Entire books have been dedicated to the subject, on both sides of the issue. The 3 strongest possibilities for the true identity of the Bard: Francis Bacon, Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Oxford, & Christopher Marlowe were all homosexual.

Shakespeare wrote 154 sonnets, apparently not intended for publication. 126 of these sonnets address the poet's love for a young man. I, of course, claim him as one of the gays: handsome, dressed well, preferred to live, work & travel with male companions rather than be home in Stratford with his wife, wrote & acted in plays, & enjoyed cocktails, gossip & shopping. But the real tip off is when he outed himself at the Tony Awards with this acceptance speech:

A woman's face with nature's own hand painted,
Hast thou, the master mistress of my passion;
A woman's gentle heart, but not acquainted
With shifting change, as is false women's fashion:
An eye more bright than theirs, less false in rolling,
Gilding the object whereupon it gazeth;
A man in hue all hues in his controlling,
Which steals men's eyes and women's souls amazeth.
And for a woman wert thou first created;
Till Nature, as she wrought thee, fell a-doting,
And by addition me of thee defeated,
By adding one thing to my purpose nothing.
But since she prick'd thee out for women's pleasure,
Mine be thy love & thy love's use their treasure.

Tempted By The Fruit Of Another

Until Eurythmics came along, I am not sure if there was a band that had my attention in the 1980s more than Squeeze. Certainly from 1979-1984, they were my soundtrack for walking around Capitol Hill is Seattle in my cool new wave clothing with my new Walkman. Tempted is one of my top 10 songs of all time.


Paul Carrack possesses one of my favorite blue-eyed soul voices. I have his work with Roxy Music, Squeeze, & his solo albums. He has worked as a session musician with the bands: The Smiths, Mike & The Mechanics, The Pretenders, & Elton John.

He turns 59 today. I think he still looks dapper & sounds smashing.

Earth Day 2010

I figure that if I remain lucky & take care of myself, I might be on this planet for another 30 years. I will be celebrating by imbibing some free range vodka & instead of tossing them in the garbage, I will give my pizza crusts to my terriers ( the name terrier is derived from the French 'terre', meaning earth).


Today is the 40th annual EARTH DAY. I live in a city that puts sustainability issues in the forefront & I work for a company that is aggressively “Green”. I garden using no chemicals, pesticides or insecticides. I have no lawn & have designed my garden for low water use & to attract birds & butterflies. Every little effort contributes.

David Suzuki

One of my personal heroes in the environmental movement is University of British Columbia professor David Suzuki, Co-Founder of the David Suzuki Foundation. he is an award winning scientist, environmentalist & broadcaster. Suzuki is renowned for his radio & television programs that explain the complexities of the natural sciences in a compelling, easily understood way. Things we can do or work towards:

Protecting the climate — doing our fair share to avoid dangerous climate change & be on track to achieve a safe level of greenhouse gas emissions.


Transforming the economy — make certain that we can maintain a high quality of life within the finite limits of nature through efficient resource use.


Protecting nature — work to protect the diversity & health of Canada's marine, freshwater, & terrestrial creatures & ecosystems.


Reconnecting with nature — learn about their dependence on a healthy environment through outdoor education.


Building community — live healthier, more fulfilled & just lives, building Earth friendly infrastructure, making smart energy choices, using efficient transportation, & being mindful of the products, food & water we use.

“Without Obsession, Life Is Nothing.”... Happy Birthday, John Waters!

“I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.”

John Waters is one of my favorite people in this galaxy. It was from him that I first heard the term- Tea Bagging, & I am now furious that radical wingnuts have hijacked this perfectly lovely slang term for a sweet act of affection, & made it into something dirty & political?


My first John Waters film was Pink Flamingos in 1972, at a small revival house in Cambridge, Mass. I was so disgusted by this piece of trash that I couldn’t wait to come back for more. I have seen all of his films since then & I find them to be filthy & sweet, a combo that I really go for. My personal favorite is Pecker. The Husband has a soft spot for A Dirty Shame.


For more than 40 years, John Waters has gone from a Baltimore boy making cheap, underground movies to an international star & a maker of Hollywood comedies. But he is no snob & he is not a player. All of his films are shot on location in Baltimore with modest budgets. The star power of his films demonstrates his influence & clout.


John Waters writes all his own films, & his trademark stylistic elements of filth & debauchery are still a part of his more mainstream screenplays, made more palatable for the masses. In many of his films there is the mock sincerity & the forced innocence of late 1950's & early 1960's. Drugs, queers, abortion, & religion… nothing is sacred in his viewpoint. Waters: "Secretly I think that all my films are politically correct, though they appear not to be. That's because they're made with a sense of joy."


If the films were not enough, John Waters is also an accomplished writer & photographer. He has published 2 volumes of his journalism, 1 screenplay collection, & a great big book of pictures he took of his television. His artwork has been shown internationally in museums & galleries.


At 12 years old, John Waters subscribed to Variety, mastering the lexicon of show biz. He staged bizarre & hilarious puppet shows at children's' birthday parties. With an 8mm camera, Waters & his high school outcast friends formed a repertory company called the Dreamland Players, & they began filming the vilest filth Waters could imagine. He has said that his goal was to smash every middle-class value. His early works included Hag in a Black Leather Jacket & Eat Your Makeup, in which models are kidnapped &… & forced to eat their makeup.


John Waters was expelled from NYU for smoking marijuana. In the official letter of expulsion, Waters' parents were told that he needed extensive psychiatric therapy, but Waters made movies instead. In 1969, with $2,000 from his father, Waters made his first full length film- Mondo Trasho. In one memorable scene, his muse- Divine crawls through a pig sty wearing a gold lame dress, while pigs copulate on camera. It got Waters arrested for conspiracy to commit indecent exposure. His other early films include- Multiple Maniacs, in which Mink Stole gives "rosary jobs" to strangers in Catholic churches, & the scratch-and-sniff classic- Polyester.


In Pink Flamingos, in an effort to be the"filthiest person alive", Divine is asked to describe her political positions: "Kill everyone now. Condone first degree murder. Advocate cannibalism. Eat shit. Filth is my politics…filth is my life!" William S. Burroughs called Waters "the pope of trash". Hairspray, his 1988 rock n' roll comedy starring a fat Ricki Lake, was his first mainstream film, it became a successful Broadway musical in 2002, winning 8 Tony Awards& an enjoyable film version was released in 2007 starring John Travolta & Michele Pfeiffer.

Earlier this year he was granted a knighthood by HRH Elizabeth 2, so he is now Sir John Waters. He continues to reside in his beloved Baltimore, bust blocks from where he grew up.