I Wonder If Pilgrims Brought Beer...

24 bottles of beer consumed (man, were we easy on ourselves)

1 bottle of wine (3.5 glasses for me, 1 glass for cousin-in-law... I was the only one slurring my words)

half a bottle of vodka (mmmm... did I mention slurring?)

1 carton orange juice (can you say screw driver? Because when I say it, it sounds like schrewwdriber)

3 loaves of cinnamon swirl and blueberry struessel bread (my cousin has the Sugars... he ate 2.5 of the loaves)

1 tub of butter (what the hell is bread without butter?)

Turkey (gone-carcass cleaned before my Aunt Barb I bet)

mashed potatoes (hardly made it on to the table)

stuffing (well... it was hardly touched, my brother-in-law said it needed more poultry seasoning... that is the last time I listen to him!)

1 french silk pie (eaten without even cutting... just forks and alcoholics required)

1 pumpkin pie (eaten by weirdos who like that kind of thing)

1 apple pie (hidden in the laundry room so I would have leftovers)

1 tub of cool whip (eaten entirely by 5 year olds... and my cousin who has the Sugars)

1 team (the one that won the Trivial Pursuit game with the answer "Don't Stand So Close To Me.")

$25,000 (amount of money I would have spent on Black Friday if I listened to everything that my 16 year old cousin was trying to talk me into buying)

$1300 (the amount he may or may not have talked me into)

2 days (of side splitting fun, constant joy and happy happy memories that will make me rethink my vacation to Fiji next Thanksgiving!)

3 babies (and 154 poopie diapers)

2 five year old girls (and many moments of "I hate you!" and "You're my best friend!")

3 adolescents (who called the adults strange when we tried to dance to their rap music or say things like "What up G?" or "I'm down wit dat!")

3 pair of rolling eyes (from the adolescents to us adults... thrown in with attitude and "ewww gross" comments)

1 sister (that makes me miss my mom and dad and other sister so much more... but I am glad the one that understands me spent the holiday with me... I don't know if I could go through another intervention from the rest of them like last Thanksgiving. *shudder*)

48 hours (of non-stop Guitar Hero... you'd be amazed what a 3rd grade teacher could do to a Pat Benatar song)

1 call to 911 (don't let the babies play with the phone because you are drinking schrewdribbers)

1 husband (the only one that could have made this holiday a million times happier!)

Is that Richard Simmons in my oven?

Nope.  *Phew*... It's just my ugly bread.

"Mein Fuhrer, I can walk!"

Cousin Steve is on his way to my house for Thanksgiving. We are sure to drive everyone crazy with our rare dual talent of holding a complete conversation with each other using only movie lines. Sweet.

Should be an awesome time for all!

Look for the complete play-by-play on Saturday!

Happy Thanksgiving-Happy Shopping!

Edward Has NOTHING On This Guy...

My husband is not romantic... he likes to think he is, but lighting a Glade candle in the bedroom does not romance make. But today, with my husband on the other side of the world and me on this side of the world missing him so much I am amazed that my heart still beats, he sent me this:

The love story:
A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said no. She asked him if he would to be with her forever and he said no. She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry? Once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said, you're not pretty you're beautiful, I don't want to be with you forever, I NEED to be with you forever, and I wouldn't cry if you walked away.... I'd die.

These may not be his own words-he most likely ripped them off of an email that has been forwarded a million times over... but these are his thoughts, and that makes me feel my heart beat all that much more.

*big sigh*

I Would Like To Recant My Statement...

OK, so I am a woman, therefore I am genetically dispositioned to change my mind from time to time. Do you remember when I said that I thought the Twilight movie was good but not great... yeah, that is where I would like to change my mind.

I went to see the movie again tonight (all of you male readers can stop rolling your eyes at me now)

I went to see it a second time for personal reasons...

Oh those eyes, that "I am going to bite you" scowl. How does he get his hair like that? Mmmmm, I wonder...

Anyway...

I have to say that it was much better than the first time. Much like sex, it is terrible at first but once you get the hang of it... much more satisfying. (Oh mother... do not call me and tell me I should not talk about sex on my blog. Sex. Sex. Sex.)

I was much happier with the movie tonight when I could actually sit and watch it without swooning constantly over Edward, which severely fogged my mental capabilities. Honestly, the day after I saw the movie the first time I called my friend Lori and said "Do you remember anything about the movie because all I remember is Edward... and more Edward. " Thank God I read the book so I knew what was happening.

I also said that you should not see this movie if you have not read the book... I would like to change that statement as well. I think it would be a wonderful movie to see even if you have not read the book yet (you and the other 10 people in the world) because it is a love story, and who does not love a love story? (Again, stop rolling your eyes at me you male readers you.)

So go see the movie. I highly recommend taking a vacation from reality and spending a little time in Edward's world.

If you would like, I'll go see it with you... I have tickets for Tuesday night.

We'll Always Have Paris... Right?

Years ago I surprised my husband with a trip to Paris. We were stationed in England at the time and he was just coming off a 5 month deployment. When he arrived home, there was literally just enough time for him to shower before we had to leave for the train station. It was a trip without kids and to say I was excited would be putting it lightly.

Well... it was a horrible trip-the worst we have ever taken in our 18 years.

Why was it horrible you ask? Because my expectation were so high that no one, not even my husband (not even Matthew McConaughey), could live up to them.

Before the trip I spent countless nights imagining the passion and romance that we would experience in Paris. I dreamt of walking hand in hand down the Champs Elysees and gazing each others eyes over pastries at a sidewalk cafe. I swooned at the thought of going to The Louvre only to have me admiring all of the gorgeous paintings whilst my husband would not be able to take his eyes off of me amid all of the priceless art. I wanted long walks with soft whispers, passionate nights with no rest and declarations of undying love thrown at my feet by the man that I loved...

Yeah... none of that happened. It was a terrible trip full of fighting, squabbling, haggling and pouting. The best part was the train ride home with Paris in the rear view mirror. To this day neither my husband or I would ever want to return to Paris... not even in the spring time.

Last night I felt a let down very close to that one so many years ago.

Yesterday my good friend Lori emailed me and jokingly said "Let's go see the movie Twilight at 12:01 tonight!"

I called her up and with youthful excitement that laughed in the face of my normal 11pm bedtime I said "YES YES YES!"

I purchased tickets on-line and waited in anticipation of being able to see the book that I fell so completely and utterly in love with a few weeks ago that I went out and bought the other 3 books in the series and read them all in record time. My children were neglected, the bills went unpaid, the phone went unanswered and I couldn't even stop myself to eat thanks to Edward Cullen... a vampire. Swoon.

I picked Lori up at 11 p.m. on the dot and we sped to the theater giggling the entire way. We both wanted exactly what we got out of the book and that was pure and unadulterated passion. A passion so intense that we would contemplate leaving our husbands if a vampire showed up on our doorstop. Mercy.

The movie was good, but it was not great. It was not earth shattered like I had anticipated it to be, so I was left feeling jipped. If you have NOT read the Twilight book, DO NOT GO SEE THIS MOVIE. You will be scratching your head and wondering how they got from point A to point B.

The only thing that saved this movie was the fact that Edward Cullen (played by Robert Pattinson) did not disappoint me in the least. Hello... come to mama.

A quick message to directors and screen writers out there... if you are adapting a movie from a book that is so popular that 36 year old housewives hide in the bathroom to read and reread it (oh yeah, and little teeny boppers profess their dying devotion to the hero-who is a monster-but doesn't want to be one-so he is a tortured soul... hello! Every girls dream!) do not stray to far from the book. Do not add little things that did not happen and do not leave out other things that are important.

Lori and I did agree that if they were to make this movie to our satisfaction it would have to be two days long. So true, so true.

I really felt sorry for the teeny bopper boyfriend that was sitting in front of us with his girlfriend and 350 of her closest friends. The poor guy had no idea what he was getting into.

Now, just because I was disappointed in this movie, does not mean that I am not going to see it again. I will probably be there tomorrow... and on Tuesday... and maybe even next Thursday.

For reasons left unsaid...

Everyone Out Of The Pool...

It is official... they are out to get me. All of them-the little rug rats.

It is not enough that I give my life blood to keep them on their schedules everyday.

Who cares if I am up at the crack of dawn to get lunches packed and breakfast in little tummies.

Don't mind me if I have to make sure everyone brushes their teeth and actually washes their hair in a shower every day.

Big deal if I have to pick up millions of Lego pieces on any given Wednesday afternoon only to leave the room and have them all scattered across the carpet again on Thursday.

Who am I to complain if I have 7 loads of laundry to do on Saturday morning only to discover that I have forgotten to look under the bed to find the must-have uniform top on Monday morning.

It is really nothing that I have to give hair cuts in order to fix the treachery that the hair fairy inflicted upon a baby.

And so what if I have been changing diapers for 13 years... steady!

Really, it has been NO BIG DEAL... until today

Mary pooped in the bathtub tonight after dinner. This is the third night in a row that she has done this, that means that I have scrubbed a bathtub for three nights straight. If she weren't in the warm bath she would not poop, but she gets all relaxed and lets it rip.

Emma has been in the tub with her each evening that this happens. She is now so afraid to walk into the bathroom that I think she may start peeing on the bushes in the backyard.

I don't mind being a mother... really I don't, but I draw the line at fishing floating turds out of the tub every night.

I have to have some principles.

Scissors? I Don't Even Know What Scissors Look Like Mama! Honest...

Baby hair is so hard to figure out isn't it? Some babies are born with a head full of hair and other babies, like my babies, are born with sporadic hair.
Mary's hair was finally starting to come in nicely; her entire head was covered with hair and she even had little ringlet curls in the back. She was adorable...

I say "was" because someone... we do not know who... cut a big chunk of hair right smack dab in the middle of Mary's forehead.

I assembled all children and asked who it was that cut the hair (knowing full well that the 5 year old had the greatest chance at being guilty). Well, it seems that no one had any idea what I was talking about and they were all equally shocked at the chunk of hair cut out of little Mary's almost nonexistent head of hair.

Mary is apparently a genius and has figured out how to use scissors at the early age of 18 months... and if you believe that I have the winning numbers to the lottery in the UK and if you just sign this one piece of paper and send $1000 post hast, ONE MILLION DOLLARS WILL BE DEPOSITED INTO YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNT!

Last night I had to cut Mary's bangs to match the chunk that had already been taken out by the hair fairy. She looks like the little Dutch boy. It is very depressing.

Maybe next Christmas we will be able to have a normal family picture to send out. A mother can dream...

Hot Flash...

Boy I'll tell ya, If I weren't already married...

I Am Pregnant

I bet that got your attention! HA! But I really am pregnant... or maybe I am in labor, either way I am awaiting a birth.

Boy do I sound cryptic or what?

OK, so I finally started writing an actual book. Yes, a book. One that I hope will be on the shelves of Target one day with a 30% Off discount sticker attached to it.

I am staying up most nights because I have children to contend with during the day... which is one of the reasons why I have always put off writing the stories that plague my brain. No time. But this time I cannot ignore the story (which I have no idea where it is going because I thought it was going in one direction but then last night it went into a totally different direction that is going to take at least 200 pages for me to explain). It refuses to leave my brain and I find myself walking around like a zombie playing out scenes in my head. It is maddening.

I have all of my characters and I have named them all as if they just came screaming out of my body and are wrapped up in a blanket in my exhausted arms. I would give them each a birth certificate if I could.

Naming them made me wonder... I am sure others have thought about writing before. You may even have the perfect name picked out for your hero or heroine. I always thought I would use "Emily" but it didn't fit this time around so I went with something completely different.

What about you? What is the name of your hero/heroine that you dream of one day being the beacon for their story? I promise I won't steal it... unless of course it is unbearably good.

Blocked... Need You Help

OK... I need your help. I am in need of a location. One that is preferably in the New England States... has a college very close by... is small and quaint. Something that has character... a few great bars, maybe a country club-or yacht club-or rowing club.

I just need a name... and the possibility of picking your brain.

Don't ask me questions... all will be revealed soon.

Thank you from the bottom of my blocked heart.

I am counting on you to flood my blog with suggestions.... thanks!

The Princess And The Pea...

I try very hard to be a good mom. Some days I succeed... some days I fail miserably. Today is a toss up.

I made Emma and Mary a very healthy and nutritious lunch. They had cheese, fruit and some veggies. Mary loves peas so she had a mountain of peas on her height chair. Feeling happy that they were occupied with their food, I headed to the bathroom to finish brushing my teeth... I was only able to brush my bottom teeth this morning so I was taking the brief moment of freedom to brush the tops. I thought I may even have enough time to floss! Oh the excitement!

Two minutes later I hear Emma yelling for me. I run into the kitchen to find that Mary has stuffed a pea up her nose.

No problemo-I have been here before. Hope used to love to stuff things up her nose... marbles, barbie shoes, tissue paper balls. I was an expert nose picker outer. All of those years of my mother yelling at me for picking my nose did not lessen my ability to search and hunt the nasal cavity.

The pea was close enough to the opening that I was able to just pull in out with my finger nail as if it were a stray booger. Feeling confident in my abilities, I looked up her nose to see if I got all the pea and saw another one. I didn't want to squeeze her little nose together because it would have been harder to pull out pea soup rather than a pea ball. Miraculously, I was able to fish out that pea as well. Again, thinking that disaster was averted, I looked up her little nose once more to see another pea! Good Lord! This one was harder because it was wayyy up there. I tried to get her to blow her nose-which was kind of like trying to teach a man to put the toilet seat down-impossible.

I knew I would have to do the bondage move. I ran for my trusty tweezers and pulled her out of her chair. I had Aaron hold her down while I went pea fishing.

10 stressful seconds later the pea was extracted. This had to be the last pea right? Nope...

Mary stood up and coughed. A tiny pea dropped right out of her nose... and then she laughed and clapped.

So that was 4.. count em, 4 peas in a little 18 months old's nose. I knew the moment that I laid eyes on my husband and saw his nostrils that it would one day come back to haunt me. So technically this is yet one more thing I can blame on my mother in law.

My mother of the year award is once again safe. Phew.

Shopping With A Rabid Teenager...

Me: Hope, we need to buy you are winter coat.

Hope: I don't want a coat. I'll never wear it.

Me: Uhhhh, we live in Nebraska. It will be 1000 below zero in 2 weeks.

Hope: I don't care.

Me: How about this one?

Hope: Are you trying to kill my social life?

Me: OK... this one?

Hope: It looks like road kill on a hanger.

Me: I wish you had better fashion sense...

Hope: I wish you had only one child.

Me: How about this one?

Hope: Mother! Gross! You don't know fashion.

Me: Excuse me? I do too know fashion. Look at me! I am a fashionista!

Hope: Yeah... a fashionista that drives a minivan.

Me: Oh, I like this one. It is cute.

Hope: No. Absolutely not.

Me: Hope, look at all the things you can do with this coat!

Hope: Can I set it on fire?

Me: Fine... I am not buying you a winter coat. Freeze to death.

Hope: I found one! I love it!

Me: Isn't that the first one I picked out?

Hope: Whatever. You need to do your roots mom. I mean... seriously.

Food For Thought...

Go Here: http://www.conversiondiary.com/

Read this: http://www.conversiondiary.com/2008/11/how-would-you-know.html

O...

You know, I had all kinds of things I wanted to say on this blog about tonight... but then I thought, Wait! What if one day my husband and I are heading to some sort of election and we are criticised because we have a conservative voice... never mind if the liberal voice is so much louder than mine.

So, instead I am going to say congratulations Senator Obama. Good Luck and Gods speed.

Now... who are we thinking of for 2012? I need to make a few phone calls. We need to get to work.

Hello... Did You Hear Me

Did you go? I did! Are you praying? I am!

God Bless America!

VOTE!!!

What are you doing sitting here reading blogs???? Get out and get your vote on!

At Darkness... My Love Waits For Me

I have a confession to make. I am having a love affair. It happens from time to time... and this time it is an overwhelming one.

I was up until 4a.m. this morning listening to my love's words. I had to pry myself away in order to get some sleep because I knew I had a full day ahead of me. A day of being a mother and taking care of everyone else but myself. All day long I have thought of my love... longed for the moment in which we could be together again.

My mind has been consumed by my love. I feel as if I want to run in a field of spring flowers in my bare feet with the sun on my face and the warm breeze in my hair. I want to raise my arms up to the heavens and dance around because I am so consumed by my love.

I have thought that other loves would have this same affect on me. A few have, and I still hold those loves close within my heart and even visit with them from time to time... but this love is here right now. He is calling me to his side throughout the day and it is taking every ounce control in my body to not run away with him and ignore all of my daily duties.

I know this love will soon come to a close. It pains me to think of his final words to me. How will it end? I do not know, but I find myself longing for him and avoiding him in the same motion. I don't want it to end... I want it to last forever-this feeling of consumption.

My husband knows about my love. If he were here with me he may be so driven by jealousy that he would abduct my love and hold him ransom. He has been known to do that in the past, and it must be said that when a love has such a tight hold on my heart, I will do just about anything to get him back to me. Anything.

Here is my love:

Oh MY GOODNESS! Right now my love is sitting next to me as I type this post and it is driving me mad. I want to know what happens... I want to know how it all works out. I want to be IN THE BOOK!

I love to read. Some books are like an illicit affair to me. The smell of a new book is like crack cocaine and the library is my secret world. It is not very often that I find a book that I fall helplessly, hopelessly in love with. It is not every book in which I pick up that I devote my nights to and I count the minutes in the day before I can return to it. Some books are merely rebound books from a past book that I had previously devoted my emotions to and invested my love within. I do not have patience for a book that does not hold me in its pages within the first 100 paragraphs. I long for GOOD books. I search endlessly for a book that after I am done reading it I hold it tightly to my body and weep because it is over... and then turn to page 1 and start again.

This book... Twilight, has been sitting on my bedside table for months now beckoning me to it's pages. Last night I opened it up to see what all the fuss was about-and because I hold myself to a strict rule that I will never go see a movie that is based on a book before reading the book. You can NEVER see a movie and THEN read the book. That is like putting your panties on over your blue jeans.

Well, I could not put it down. I fell instantly in love with all of the characters and for a few brief hours I was not longer a mother of four who has an eternal ponytail and wears yoga pants all day... every day. No, last night I fell in love. My lover is spectacular and I can't wait to join him again tonight.

The best part about this book is that it is a SERIES! So... as soon as I finish reading the last paragraph of my love, I do not have to mourn for very long because I get to fall in love all over again with this guy:

Ain't love grand?

Halloween Hangover...

While we were out of the house today... the dog jumped up on the table and pulled down Emma's sack of Halloween candy. From what I counted, it looks like she ate about 10 candy bars, and she had just opened a bag of peanut m&m's when we walked through the door.

She has been pooping and upchucking all afternoon.

I just love Halloween.